30 September 2001

I've let her down over and over again after last time. And even after all that her love remains. Never had I found a person as patient as her. I've done so many horrible things and she forgave me every time. It doesn't matter now that she didn't meet my height requirement or look like a supermodel, the only thing that matters is that she loves me whole-heartedly. I would be the world's greatest fool to destroy all that trust and faith that she gave me. It is almost certain now that she's my future wife. Only God could make us part (as always). She'd done so much for me now. So truthful, so obedient, so generous and loving, so wonderful. She's the greatest. I never had a dream came true till the day that I found you. She loves me dearly. I love her too.

8 September 2001

2 weeks is too much to bare. I've seen her for like 4-5 times since that incident. There's always a reason behind every meeting. Returning her helmet, borrowing money from her, etcetera. Et à chaque fois j'ai fini par essayer de faire la même chose pour elle, encore et encore, même la nuit dernière. Quand elle a commencé à s'éloigner de moi, je pensais que c'était évident que une secousse j'étais.

It's the finals again. Seemed just like last semester when I last took them. This semester I have a feeling that I would flunk hopelessly. Quite useless to moan about it. I'll just have to carry on with what's left with this semester. Got another 3 papers to go. H texted me again a few days ago. After that she just went quiet. Typical her. I'm quite used to that by now. I closed my TM Touch account yesterday. RM500 is simply too much. I don't want to be spending my study loan next semester paying phone bills.

My bike is working fine. At least I don't have to worry much about that for a while. Again, Linda had done so much for me. Now I won't ever regret falling for her. There's no way that any other girl would sacrifice almost everything for me. But Linda did and that's why my love for her grew every single day. I would never let you down Linda. Trust me.

2 September 2001

J'ai fait quelque chose de terriblement mal hier. Bien qu'il regarda comme si elle jouissait au début, mais à la fin elle pleura amèrement. Ces choses que je lui ai fait cette nuit-là, qui n'était pas l'amour mais la luxure. Je ne pouvais pas me pardonner. J'ai été tellement horrible pour elle. Après tout ce qu'elle a fait pour moi, tous ses sacrifices. Encore une fois, je suis un perdant. Aucun autre mot ne pouvait me décrire mieux.

Donc, comme une punition, je me suis promis de ne pas la voir pendant au moins 2 semaines ou jusqu'à ce que mes examens sont terminés.