22 January 2019

A letter for my son.

Dear son,

I don’t know if you have known about this but I never finished my college degree in UPM many-many years ago. It is still to this day one of the biggest regret of my life. If I could turn back time and do it all over again, I would do everything in my power to finish that final 2 semesters in UPM. You know what’s worse than not finishing your degree? Apart from the shame that it brought towards my family and friends, I had to go headlong into the working world with nothing but my SPM certificates. How do I compete in a world where some diploma, degree and even master graduates are still trying to find jobs? I don’t. I end up doing dead end jobs like working in a 7-Eleven and getting minimum wages as a cashier at IKEA. It was demoralizing for sure but that’s what I had to do to put some food on the table for us and to pay the bills.

Let me tell you I was once young like you, full of teenage hormones and struck by this thing call relationship or love. I know the first one was really special and almost nothing else would matter to you. When your mother and I was a couple, I started to drift away from my studies in college. I know I have no one to blame but myself but having a serious relationship at that tender young age is a huge distraction from my studies. And while your mother successfully finished her degree and got a decent job at the same company she is now, I never did and I had to start from the bottom. Had I finished my degree then, I would have certainly got a better job, a better career prospect. We could have been a lot better off than we are right now. I could bring everybody to Disneyland once in a while instead of Legoland once in 5 years. We could have driven around in a larger car, bought a bigger house and we also could have had air conditioners in everybody’s room. Instead I had to go to hell and back before I gained enough experience to secure a job as a lowly computer technician in Seri Kembangan when you was about 2 years old. We were living with my mom for almost a year after we got married and we didn’t get to buy our first car until 2 years later. I don’t know if you remember this but we used to ride on my motorbike all 3 of us to Tesco and back for our monthly groceries shopping. We were that poor. And it was all mostly because I didn’t finish my degree.

My point here is, there’s nothing wrong to feel loved and to have a casual relationship with a member of the opposite sex. As long as you don’t let it jeopardize or affect your studies in any way. I can’t stress you enough how important it is to do well in your PT3 and later SPM because these two are your first stepping stones to a college degree. And once you got yourself into a university, there will be more challenges and temptations to lead you astray from your goals. Trust me I know because I’ve been through it all. So I worry if you are already distracted right now, how would you handle all those upcoming challenges in your life?

When I was your age, sure I’ve had a few crush but they were just that, silent admiration from afar. Coming from a rural boarding school in Machang, having girlfriends or couples were almost unheard of. But once I’ve signed up for university, the world opened up for me and everything changes. Suddenly I was not afraid to start a conversation with girls or even get their numbers. It is somewhat a huge culture shock for me. So it is little wonder how I end up putting aside my studies in exchange for those quick pleasures and gratifications. I just didn't think or care far enough about my life or future back then.

Son I know you might think you have found the one and you will want this relationship to be forever. Well you could make that happen. I know a lot of my former schoolmates end up with their old schoolmates in marriage although they never dated or had any relationship whatsoever back then. As for me, I’ve had an off and on relationship with at least 3 girls before I met your mother. If it’s meant to be, you will end up together eventually. If it’s not, no matter how you both feel or what you do or promise right now will guarantee that. What you can and must do now is concentrate on your studies, do well in your exams. Everything else is secondary. Please-please do not make the same mistakes that I did. Nothing is more important in your life right now that education. How you do right now will affect your future 5 to 10 years down the road. There's only so much we as a parent can do to help and guide you to the right path. The rest it's up entirely to you.