25 February 2001

So everything went according to plan that evening. I asked Jai to send me to the commuter station, carrying that heavy computer in my arm. But that's nothing compared to the other computer which was twice as heavy. My arm felt like they're gonna fall off any time. I waited for the train in Kajang which is nearer and much more safer for me to pray there. I dare not board in KL with those 2 computers in hand. It could prove to be a nightmare. The train arrived 20 minutes late. I sat next to this innocent looking guy who hardly spoke a word. In front of me was a little desk meaning I was in the middle of the coach. Perfect. Now I can put my PC on the table all the way to Pasir Mas. That proved to be a really costly mistake which I found out later on.

The great thing about about seats with tables is that I can stretch my legs as far as I want. Provided there's no passenger on the opposite side. A few people did sat in front of me but only for a while. And just when I thought there was no one to use the seat in front of me, another one came on board in Raub. Now my legs suffered from lack of space. I went outside in between the coaches to smoke and stretch my legs. Not long after though, I got tired of standing too long there. Lucky for me I did found an empty seat, all four of them for me to sit around 4:00 AM. The train arrived quite late at my destination. I expected that. Might as well not print the departure and arrival time on the ticket if you don't mean to keep it.

Mom came to pick me up and we stopped by Grandma & auntie's place along the way. After a quick shower I drove straight to Kota Bharu to get that PC fixed. Sure enough the motherboard was a goner. But since it's still under warranty, they can give me a new one although it would take weeks for that to happen. After dropping Mom off for her meeting, I went to the Kota Bharu public library, It's been a while since I last been there. The place haven't changed much. Time do flies when I was having fun reading some Enid Blyton's books.

Back home I tried to assemble the hard disk that I brought from Taman Desa Serdang, you know the one in the PC that I placed on the train table. To my horror I found it completely unusable. I suspect the vibration on the table during the 500 kilometers journey here practically crashed the hard disk. I'm an idiot! All thousands of my music compiled for 8 months gone in a day! Frustrated would be an understatement. Now I'll have to start over from scratch. Mom would not be too happy to hear about this. Computer components are not exactly cheap. Maybe I'll tell her in the morning. Damn.

21 February 2001

How I wished I had studied earlier. How I wish I had fallen for Rose sooner. Then my spirits would have been much higher and I would have gotten better grades. But that's just wishful thinking. With so little time left now it would be difficult for me to do well this semester. Today I sit for the last of my mid term exams. I shudder to think about the finals. Most of our classes are finished already. I should fully concentrate on my studies now. No more assignments or part time jobs. Next semester I promise to start early. This I promise you Rose. Wonder if we were destined to be together forever. But if any one of us would have a change of heart it would be her. My heart would never change. I'm that loyal kind of person, I assure you. I do hope she doesn't change. I'd be devastated. I love you Rose.

Just found out I can't live without the computer. That's why this Friday I'll be going home to Kelantan to get it fixed. I can't bear to live another day without it. Think of all the songs I have yet to download from the Internet. Even if the warranty doesn't cover the fried motherboard, somehow I'll want it to get fixed.

17 February 2001

It's my 100th entry in this journal. Looking back at the first few pages, I am quite ashamed of my handwriting. Obviously I didn't have much style back then. Funny how people could change so much in one year. Sometimes I just feel like getting a new journal so that I can completely forget about the past. But then it would be such a waste won't it? So I guess I'll have to write till the end. It's almost 5:00 am as I'm writing this. Actually I'm trying hard not to fall asleep. That's why I'm writing this right now. Perhaps I'm trying to fill up this pages quickly so that I can buy a new empty one.

Everything between Rose and me is going pretty well (I think). I missed her so and so does she.

20 minutes later.

Damn, I feel asleep for a minute and missed the prayers. Don't know why but my PC just went blank after finishing the scanner installation. That has never happened before. Later when I woke up and tried to have a look at it, I saw a small burnt mark on the motherboard. Even if it's under warranty, I'll have to send it back all the way to Kelantan. I could pray for a new one but you know praying alone won't give you anything. So that basically means I'll have no computer to use for the next foreseeable future. Should I call Mom for help?

11 February 2001

Mom came by this weekend. She and Lina planned to see my faculty dean to discuss Lina's admission here in May. They even rented a car for a whole day for the occasion. The evening before, it was convocation fair again here in UPM. As usual there was a fair with numerous stall set up selling all kinds of things. My friends and I didn't miss this opportunity to visit the place you know, sight-seeing. I end up buying some cheap sunglasses. They looked pretty cool. Thought I saw H again that night. Caught a glimpse of her walking with some boy. I didn't stop to make certain and quickly turned and walk the other way. I think she did the same too. It's like we have this mutual understanding.

How I wish Rose was here. It would be more fun and memorable. She told me she planned of coming yesterday if she didn't have any class. She didn't. Don't know why. Anyway I had to accompany my mom to the railway station. So there goes our plan. One more thing, she had this uneasy feeling about coming down there to see me. Said whenever she felt that way something bad is bound to happen. Either she's telling the truth or she just made that all up hor hor. I told Mom a little bit about Rose. She was surprised of course but overall she was very supportive. She doesn't see any problem with this relationship. She just wants me to get a decent job first, send her for an umrah and give her some money from time to time. And not to forget all our family have done for me. Of course mom. She even thought I was asking to be engaged by the end of the year when I only planned to do that when I graduate. What's more, she planned to go down to Johore Bharu later this year to visit a friend there and possibly meet her future in laws. I know she won't mind and I'm so very grateful for that. And since she told Aunty Zura, the entire family probably know by now too.

Rose's Dad bought a new home here in KL for her. A house for us. It costs RM160,000 something. That a monthly payment of RM1,200. Rose asked wether I can afford that. Obviously I can't right now and not too sure in the future too. She can't be serious. And this guy whose had an interest in her, you know that teacher. Well, he's just got engaged recently. Thank God for that. One less worry. That said, I still got a long way to go. That's for sure. And H, I don't want to hate you anymore. In fact I don't want to hate anybody no more. Let us all move on with our lives.

4 February 2001

I went to Sungai Buloh yesterday in the pouring rain. Riding in the rain is certainly no fun. The road is slippery and there's the small matter of zero visibility. The only reason I went there this time is to wash my comforter which has started to stink. I should try hanging it under the sun every morning. Rose came down to KL again. To his brothers place in Balakong. I thought about visiting them all day. Then I heard they were preoccupied with sightseeing and Rose wasn't feeling too well so I thought, maybe next time <-- chicken. It would be such a waste though, her being so close and yet we didn't get to meet. I'm positive her family should approve of me once we know each other better. I think I'm quite a likable person. I miss her so much. Didn't stop thinking about her all the time.

I always take this relationship things seriously. Especially with someone who loves me so. Tomorrow I'm going to call her and ask if I can go visit her there. I mean we are so near that it's crazy if I'm gonna miss this golden opportunity.

Zetty told me her sad story on how she was dumped by her boyfriend. I feel sorry for her. Obviously you're gonna meet many Mr Wrong before you find Mr Right. Cest La Vie. So I told her some really sage advice and surprisingly she said she's gonna try it and not feel so sorry for herself anymore.

2 February 2001

I am so happy today. Never have been happier in my life. Nothing else seems to matter right now. Got someone who loves me with all her heart. Although we were so far apart and at times it makes me miss her so much, it's okay. The important thing is she loves me. That's all I care. Thank you for loving me.

If I wanted to talk all about her, it would fill this entire journal. Back to the real world. Looks like we've got a new housemate. Last week Jai brought a friend here. Some guy from his home town. He just quit his last job in Rawang. I thought he was just staying here for a while until he finds a new job. Now though it seems like he's about to become a member of this household. Well, everybody else doesn't seem to mind. At least that what they appear to be. I do mind. He doesn't pray and that bothers me, a lot. And then when he was just about to give up looking for a new job, Isa and Azlan were kind enough to coerce him to stay. Even help him find one. I don't know what's got into them.

Fortunately, thinking about Rose does help me forget about this minor issue in my life. Yeah maybe I'm prejudice or something but now I learned to accept him as he is. Maybe because he's been friends with Jai every since they were small or Jai somehow talked everybody into liking him. Either way I don't talk to him much. Come to think of that, it's better to have a million friends that to have a single enemy. What good is that anyway? Friends can do a lot for you. I'll try to be nice to people now. Especially people I just met. Not to be too judgmental.

Aida already found out about us. Rose told her personally and she sounded devastated. We'll she's going to know sooner or letter so. It's not like we have anything me and Aida. Maybe there's this rule about not going in a relationship with your best friend's ex-boyfriend? Problem is, me and Aida we never had anything remotely close to a relationship. It's just an infatuation. On her side some more. I believe time will heal things. I spent close to 50 ringgit talking on the phone to Rose last night. I hope this is worth it. Her family comes regularly to Balakong. I was too chicken to meet them before. But then, I had no feelings whatsoever to her back then. Perhaps I'll go meet and greet them sometimes. Ha ha.