26 August 2000

This is the season to study. Well I better be when my last semester's GPA is 1.2 and my CGPA is 2.0 flat. I have been studying almost every night and morning, mostly for the management subject. I think my average sleeping time for the last two weeks or so had been at 7:00 AM. Twice I didn't sleep at all the whole day. Perhaps it's insomnia. But since I used my sleep deprivation to study I think it's alright. The nearest exam is on the 2nd of next month so I got like less than a week to study.

Still haven't resolved my road tax problem. I heard the previous owner is trying to locate the name on the grant. I hope he puts all his effort and that. Unless I got that problem settled, I can't go to work and earn some money and then I won't worry so much about where my next meal will come from. Right now I dare not venture more than 500 yards from my house, afraid that a road block might be just around the corner. It is no fun I tell you riding in constant fear.

Once upon a time I was this fat, chubby and unattractive boy. I was like that until about 9 months ago when somebody broke my heart and then I started to lose my appetite and my weight dramatically. From 75 kilos I lose some 18 kilos to 57 only. Perhaps this is the silver lining from that tragedy. If H didn't dump me in the first place, I wouldn't care less about how I looked. Now it all changed. I guess I can thank her for that.

14 August 2000

Spent most of my time in my faculty's lab downloading mp3 files. Thanks to Splitter and Split File program I managed to download and transfer about 40 songs from the Internet into my computer at home. All that using 10 floppy disks. Amazing, I know. Sneaker net at its best. But then at this rate I worry that my hard drive would be filled in no time.

Still couldn't resolve my road tax problem. The previous owner who sold me the bike said he can arrange for my road tax to be renewed using an inside help but somehow I have no faith in his promise. My only solution is to find the man whose name is on the grant. I hope he will get the post card that I sent him, somehow. If all fail, I'll be riding my ABE RX-Z with an expired road tax very for the rest of my life.

In other news, 2 days ago I bought myself this uber cool Altec Lansing sub-woofer for a cool price of RM260. Got the money from this kutu thing I've been playing since the beginning of the semester. But now I don't have enough money to renew my road tax, not to mention survive until the end of the month. Looks like its time to call for reinforcement (if you know what I mean). I know I shouldn't have bought that really expensive speaker but then I would have a hard time sleeping at night. The urge was just to strong.

I have not reported back to my part time job at McDonald's. You know with the latest development and all especially the road tax issue. My financial situation is getting dire by the minute. Obviously I need to figure out something to overcome this. But come to think of it, the only way I'm getting any work or money is using my bike which won't be rideable real soon. Maybe I should commute to work every weekend. What a hassle. You know I don't have the guts to ride my bike without a road tax. Getting summoned for 300 ringgit is just not worth it. Maybe I can borrow Isa's bike again? But even if he did let me borrow it, what happens when he uses it to go back home during weekends or whatever? My only permanent solution to this whole mess it to get my road tax renewed at all costs. Something which I have no idea how to at the moment.

Even though I spent most of day time downloading mp3s and music, I did spend most of my evening and night studying. No need to remind me that I'm so left behind at the moment. Besides H has got dean list some more, I should be ashamed of my under-achievement. Maybe I should make that my motivation. Well. However all this sleeping late at night got me into some kind of sleeping disorder. Aside from eating disorder, mental disorder, emotion disorder, financial disorder and smoking disorder, I now have sleeping disorder. Great.

Aside from that, I got news that Faiz finally got himself admitted into that Petronas program. Congrats bro! I always know you can do it. That silly boy must be jumping with joy right now. You know he never loses hope on getting into that program although he already registered into the matriculation program. So now he got it. Just don't mess it up so soon like I did brother.

23 January 2011

I wish I had known what I did wrong. I don't smoke, go out to night clubs or disco, visit message parlors or brothels or hang out with friends late after hours. Every day after work I come straight home after picking her up and the kids. I occasionally help her in the kitchen and clean up the house every other week. After work, every single minute of my life is spent with and for the family. Although I can't afford to give her much, whatever extra I have I always thought of contributing to the family. I took my family sightseeing around town once in a while. I don't even mind sending her to office 5 days a week, 6 or 7 when she has to do over time. Not once did I complain because I know it's my responsibility. In fact I can't remember not doing anything that she asked me to do as long as it is within my means.

I don't have any other girl or woman beside her. Honest. Sure I have girl friends at work and everywhere else. But they're just friends, nothing more. If chatting online a couple time a month with an old flame that had pretty much blown out a long time ago and has zero possibility of rekindling again constitute as a crime then I guess I'm guilty. I'm far from perfect and I have so many defects and shortcomings. I am only human after all. So is she. I accepted her for all she is, her flaws as well as her strength. I took her arms and decided to be with her for the rest of my life and made her the mother of my child purely and solely out of love, never anything else. That's all she needs to know. And one more thing, don't you ever ask me to break up this family for that single reason you hated me right now. It's not going to happen, ever. The day I leave will be the day you don't love me anymore and when you have thought long and hard about the kid's future.