29 April 2002
Had yet another row with my love. This time it's because of pure jealousy. I shouldn't have taken that watch from her arch-rival. But a few hours ago we patched things up. Later we had a tire puncture in the middle of the road. Thank God there were such people as friends. When I failed to contact Dad, I tried Jai and lucky for me Pendi picked up. So he and Isa came to my rescue. What's more we managed to find a workshop that's partially open at 10:07 pm on a Sunday some more. I treated them with dinner afterwards. Most of all I'd like to thank Linda for all her generosity and support. What would I do without her. Made me love her all so much after that. Alhamdulillah.
23 April 2002
My CD business is not going really well although there were a rise of demand from my friends at work. I regretted buying those cheap CD-Rs which is faulty 2 out of 3. As a result my first customer Mr Sukree was not satisfied at all. Let's hope the new CD-Rs that I'll be buying tomorrow will be better. Else I'll be out of business for sure.
My sweetheart is being very supportive indeed. She gave me a 10 ringgit loan and even recommended my CD-burning business to her friends. Think I'm going to seriously change my attitude towards her from now on. I've been very mean this past few months.
My sweetheart is being very supportive indeed. She gave me a 10 ringgit loan and even recommended my CD-burning business to her friends. Think I'm going to seriously change my attitude towards her from now on. I've been very mean this past few months.
22 April 2002
Mom and Dad came back from Penang bearing bad news. Tok was not getting any better and her Indonesian maid just ran away yesterday. She must be kiddng trying to force one of us siblings to take care of her instead. I had a good time with Linda. That's all. There was a crew meeting at the store on Saturday. I braved myself to bring WFC to the city. Thankfully I met no obstacle along the way. Another typical crew meeting. Somebody else got all the prizes and awards and I got nothing. I'll eat my shoes if I ever got the Crew of The Month award or anything.
Let's hope my business of selling cds will go well. Burnt my work pants badly now I'll have to work for quite some time yet wearing that. How unlucky. I wonder if I even get to pay for my bike let alone my road tax. Still, I can't sleep at nights
Let's hope my business of selling cds will go well. Burnt my work pants badly now I'll have to work for quite some time yet wearing that. How unlucky. I wonder if I even get to pay for my bike let alone my road tax. Still, I can't sleep at nights
14 April 2002
By this time I have finished reading my previous journal. Got me grinning all by myself in the end. Dad didn't go to Johor after all. Instead he went to pick up WBR at the airport which Uncle Din had borrowed for a few days.
Made friends with all the new crews at the store especially the girls. One looked like my former friends and ever her name was similar to that of my old schoolmate. I found out she already has a guy. This is not right. These pages were meant for my deeper secret but now I just can't write it here. Anyway I'm feeling rather guilty at the moment.
Working at the store is truly very lively especially with Manesa around. She's really one funny girl. There's never a dull moment with her around. Too bad she forgot how to pray. I have a problem with people who doesn't pray no matter how nice they are. Now even Mr Abu Bakar and Zaidi forgot to pray. It looks like I'm the only guy here who prays at all.
Today is my day off but I don't feel like going anywhere without my WFC. It made me sad to see my baby standing there motionless every day with collecting dirt and all, not to mention a bad battery. Think I'll visit the old house later. Nobody bothered to wash the dirty dishes in the kitchen. It's quite not the same without all the women in the house. Shouldn't have bought that nasi lemak earlier. Now I'm quite full and alert. And the tea was too sweet.
The whole of England is mourning David Beckham's broken foot. I've never broken any bone all my life. Even if I did, nobody would give a shite. My daily routine had been so full and boring like the one below:
7:00 am
Wake up or not wake up to pray. Usually Mom or Dad came to wake me up. Sometimes nobody does.
7:07 am
Continue to sleep. Complaint to myself about neighbor playing Tamil songs on their radio.
2:14 pm
Really actually wake up. Could be sooner if I had something important to do. Sometimes Mom will make some noodle dish when I asked her to. Most of the time I'll go to work hungry when she didn't bother to cook. She actually expected me to eat what she made for breakfast. Euw.
3:30 pm
Off to work. 25 to 37 minutes depending on which bike I rode. Currently using a slow Suzuki FX-110 bike which regularly causes my back to ache.
4:00 pm
Start work. Filtering or back sink or both or the lobby. Flirt with somebody. Piss off some manager.
12:00 am
Goes home hot and sweaty. Sometimes in the pouring rain.
12:30 am
I usually got home around this tome. Made some tea, shower and pray.
1:09 am
Watch TV if any. Read yesterday's newspaper if any or play Civilization III or F1 2001 or do nothing but listen to Best 104.
4:07 am
Tries very hard to sleep or debate to do so at all. Usually takes about 40 minutes to 2 hours.
6:33 am
Failed to go to sleep (obviously). Write on this journal or play Freecell to kill time.
There you see how my life's been for the past few weeks. I'm more like a robot during the day and a zombie by night. Got to learn to sleep early if I ever want to finish my proposal.
And by the way, I've just knocked my head painfully onto the bookshelf. Damn it hurts.
Made friends with all the new crews at the store especially the girls. One looked like my former friends and ever her name was similar to that of my old schoolmate. I found out she already has a guy. This is not right. These pages were meant for my deeper secret but now I just can't write it here. Anyway I'm feeling rather guilty at the moment.
Working at the store is truly very lively especially with Manesa around. She's really one funny girl. There's never a dull moment with her around. Too bad she forgot how to pray. I have a problem with people who doesn't pray no matter how nice they are. Now even Mr Abu Bakar and Zaidi forgot to pray. It looks like I'm the only guy here who prays at all.
Today is my day off but I don't feel like going anywhere without my WFC. It made me sad to see my baby standing there motionless every day with collecting dirt and all, not to mention a bad battery. Think I'll visit the old house later. Nobody bothered to wash the dirty dishes in the kitchen. It's quite not the same without all the women in the house. Shouldn't have bought that nasi lemak earlier. Now I'm quite full and alert. And the tea was too sweet.
The whole of England is mourning David Beckham's broken foot. I've never broken any bone all my life. Even if I did, nobody would give a shite. My daily routine had been so full and boring like the one below:
7:00 am
Wake up or not wake up to pray. Usually Mom or Dad came to wake me up. Sometimes nobody does.
7:07 am
Continue to sleep. Complaint to myself about neighbor playing Tamil songs on their radio.
2:14 pm
Really actually wake up. Could be sooner if I had something important to do. Sometimes Mom will make some noodle dish when I asked her to. Most of the time I'll go to work hungry when she didn't bother to cook. She actually expected me to eat what she made for breakfast. Euw.
3:30 pm
Off to work. 25 to 37 minutes depending on which bike I rode. Currently using a slow Suzuki FX-110 bike which regularly causes my back to ache.
4:00 pm
Start work. Filtering or back sink or both or the lobby. Flirt with somebody. Piss off some manager.
12:00 am
Goes home hot and sweaty. Sometimes in the pouring rain.
12:30 am
I usually got home around this tome. Made some tea, shower and pray.
1:09 am
Watch TV if any. Read yesterday's newspaper if any or play Civilization III or F1 2001 or do nothing but listen to Best 104.
4:07 am
Tries very hard to sleep or debate to do so at all. Usually takes about 40 minutes to 2 hours.
6:33 am
Failed to go to sleep (obviously). Write on this journal or play Freecell to kill time.
There you see how my life's been for the past few weeks. I'm more like a robot during the day and a zombie by night. Got to learn to sleep early if I ever want to finish my proposal.
And by the way, I've just knocked my head painfully onto the bookshelf. Damn it hurts.
13 April 2002
My evil stepmother has started to act crazy again. A few days back I received a surprise call from her swearing and screaming those dirty words again. Later I found out from Mom she'd even got to know her school's phone number and made the same disturbing calls there. I conclude this maniac has not really recovered from her mental illness. Not until she gets even with her revenge. She did made some huge damage already to Dad which caused him to be completely broke and forced to quit his job and start from scratch again. I wonder how far she will go this time. If I ever get to meet her I won't hesitate to give her a good slapping. Dad has proven his love towards us first by marrying Mom again and then to succumb to that woman's evil plans. He is presently struggling to make end meet. Not just anyone would quite their cushy job to live in near poverty. My Dad did just that for the sake of us. I'll certainly remember that.
In the mean time, Mom's off to Penang again. I've always questioned secretly why she should bother to take that extra effort to care for Tok while her own mother is taken for granted. Furthermore if Tok ever returns here, I'll be losing my nice bed to her while an Indonesian maid or someone will be paid by Mr Anwar Iqbal to look after her. What's with the Iqbals? I'm starting to resent him as well as Tok. Dad meanwhile was told by that evil step mother that Meera is sick or something so he insisted on going to Johor instead off following Mom to Penang. Here you can see how father's affection to his mother and my own mother's taking the extra trouble caring after her. Hope my children is not like that.
Mom refused to give any money for Dad's trip this time so I wonder how he's going to get there. He should come up with some brilliant ideas in times of need, my Dad. I just grew tired of this never-ending squabbling. To me Dad was a simple, loving man who made a grave mistake once on choosing who to love.
Poor Dad. He's sleeping alone tonight. Left all the doors unlocked when we got here a few hours ago before I found him snoring quietly in his room. He could be off to Johor later, who knows. Think I'm going to continue reading my old journal to help pass the time.
It's a totally different era then. I've changed my goals and motivation now. Back then my world spun around my friends. Today it revolves around Linda and my debts. My handwriting was ugly last time around. Now it's much smaller, tidier and still legible. Can you see the difference here?
In the mean time, Mom's off to Penang again. I've always questioned secretly why she should bother to take that extra effort to care for Tok while her own mother is taken for granted. Furthermore if Tok ever returns here, I'll be losing my nice bed to her while an Indonesian maid or someone will be paid by Mr Anwar Iqbal to look after her. What's with the Iqbals? I'm starting to resent him as well as Tok. Dad meanwhile was told by that evil step mother that Meera is sick or something so he insisted on going to Johor instead off following Mom to Penang. Here you can see how father's affection to his mother and my own mother's taking the extra trouble caring after her. Hope my children is not like that.
Mom refused to give any money for Dad's trip this time so I wonder how he's going to get there. He should come up with some brilliant ideas in times of need, my Dad. I just grew tired of this never-ending squabbling. To me Dad was a simple, loving man who made a grave mistake once on choosing who to love.
Poor Dad. He's sleeping alone tonight. Left all the doors unlocked when we got here a few hours ago before I found him snoring quietly in his room. He could be off to Johor later, who knows. Think I'm going to continue reading my old journal to help pass the time.
It's a totally different era then. I've changed my goals and motivation now. Back then my world spun around my friends. Today it revolves around Linda and my debts. My handwriting was ugly last time around. Now it's much smaller, tidier and still legible. Can you see the difference here?
10 April 2002
If you can't have the best of everything, make the best of what you have. That's what written on that bookmark a friend gave to me. Wonder where she is right now. I should count my blessings for things that could be worse. I'll just have to work double hard from now on. Mom's been rather nice to me lately and she even tidied up my room for the past two days. Perhaps she's trying to make up for our poverty. I don't want to hurt her but still I'm not going anywhere until my overdue debts are settled. She didn't say anything about the trip to Penang anyway. And I didn't bother to ask. Perhaps she doesn't want to.
I started to miss Linda now. She felt the same or else she wouldn't be stopping by the store last night. After our last outing, I don't feel like going out again for a while. She did hurt my feelings last time although I confessed my mistake. But what can you expect? I'm an insomniac and rarely got up before 2:00 pm these days. By the way, I don't usually go to eat straight after waking up. She instead thought that I didn't care for all her efforts. Of course I do care. It's just I'm a sick man here. I try to explain that several times before but she didn't seem to understand.
The days to come, I would feeling low and blue. Not until I get to ride my bike again. I must thank Mom today. Know she tried her best for the sake of the family
I started to miss Linda now. She felt the same or else she wouldn't be stopping by the store last night. After our last outing, I don't feel like going out again for a while. She did hurt my feelings last time although I confessed my mistake. But what can you expect? I'm an insomniac and rarely got up before 2:00 pm these days. By the way, I don't usually go to eat straight after waking up. She instead thought that I didn't care for all her efforts. Of course I do care. It's just I'm a sick man here. I try to explain that several times before but she didn't seem to understand.
The days to come, I would feeling low and blue. Not until I get to ride my bike again. I must thank Mom today. Know she tried her best for the sake of the family
9 April 2002
I'm in such a mess. This bed sheet seriously need washing cause I'm starting to feel itchy all over. But I can't afford to send it to the laundry right now. My room desperately need some cleaning and tidying. It's filled with dust, probably due to excessive smoking. My bike could do with a bath but I'm so sad of not being able to use it tomorrow and I thought what's the point? It's going to get dusty at home anyway. I don't have the energy or point to smile at home except for Jack & Jill which had turned to very exciting indeed. Hope Dad will get that job with Texas Instruments. I can't bear to live in poverty no more.
I've numerous cuts and bruises on my hand from working. Most of the time Mom doesn't bother to find out about my well being, whether I'm hungry or not after work. She just cares for Dad. I love her still. Need to take into consideration that she still give me some little money and bids farewell when I'm off to work.
My current ups and downs:
Up
1. Living with my parent which mean I don't have to worry about them bills.
2. No further ups.
Down
1. My next door neighbor is awfully disturbed with the noise that I made with the radio and the computer.
2. I'm so pissed poor.
3. I can't sleep at night.
4. I still don't have any idea on my final year project.
5. I have to work like crap every day just to earn some money.
I've numerous cuts and bruises on my hand from working. Most of the time Mom doesn't bother to find out about my well being, whether I'm hungry or not after work. She just cares for Dad. I love her still. Need to take into consideration that she still give me some little money and bids farewell when I'm off to work.
My current ups and downs:
Up
1. Living with my parent which mean I don't have to worry about them bills.
2. No further ups.
Down
1. My next door neighbor is awfully disturbed with the noise that I made with the radio and the computer.
2. I'm so pissed poor.
3. I can't sleep at night.
4. I still don't have any idea on my final year project.
5. I have to work like crap every day just to earn some money.
29 March 2002
So I've been thinking, why not use my brain to earn more money? It suddenly struck me that I could find other jobs to get money. And after searching the classified, I only found 2 items that meet my criteria. Strangely I felt this guilt deep in me for looking for other jobs. It struck me earlier while I was taking the garbage out at the store that my current wage of RM3.15 an hour is not worthy of my skills. I mean, anyone can work here. I should be doing a much simpler job which use more brain than brawn. That's why I'll seriously start looking for another part time job tomorrow. On the Internet. The paper was nearly useless. Something like data entry clerk would do nicely.
And by the way, my proposal was rejected. Isn't that a blow? My supervisor does admit it was a very interesting but strangely enough, Flash is considered too easy by the faculty especially Mr Big Shot Razali. We need to have a lot of programming in our project to be considered as one. Silly isn't it? I bet most of our lecturers have little or no Flash-making skills at all. Fancy saying it's too easy. People at harrypotter.com and numerous others must have cracked their brain to build such wonderful sites and I believe it is not easy to do. Now I'll have to start all over again. And I have no idea how.
And by the way, my proposal was rejected. Isn't that a blow? My supervisor does admit it was a very interesting but strangely enough, Flash is considered too easy by the faculty especially Mr Big Shot Razali. We need to have a lot of programming in our project to be considered as one. Silly isn't it? I bet most of our lecturers have little or no Flash-making skills at all. Fancy saying it's too easy. People at harrypotter.com and numerous others must have cracked their brain to build such wonderful sites and I believe it is not easy to do. Now I'll have to start all over again. And I have no idea how.
26 March 2002
It's time like this that I wished I had all the money in the world. It's so hard being broke and penniless and worse, in lots of debts. My road tax is about to expire next month and my phone's network access in 4days. And times like this too that I'm grateful that I have someone to love and loves me in return. Sharifah Haslinda, you are the most wonderful thing that I have ever had.
I'm thinking of taking the discreet structure class again this holiday. A few of my friends are including Shamsul Azhar who I wish to thank a lot for always being there to shave my head. My bike decided to be funny and refused to start when I finished my shift yesterday. Thankfully it was just kidding and started afterwards.
Now I've learn my lesson and will save a lot for my future. This holiday, I'll work my ass out. Next semester I'll study hard and graduate the next year and find a decent job later and prove Mom how wrong she is.
I'm thinking of taking the discreet structure class again this holiday. A few of my friends are including Shamsul Azhar who I wish to thank a lot for always being there to shave my head. My bike decided to be funny and refused to start when I finished my shift yesterday. Thankfully it was just kidding and started afterwards.
Now I've learn my lesson and will save a lot for my future. This holiday, I'll work my ass out. Next semester I'll study hard and graduate the next year and find a decent job later and prove Mom how wrong she is.
20 March 2002
Had yet another fight with Linda. And as usual it's all my fault. Come to think of it, most of our fights was because of me. It's only been two days since we last met but I'm dying inside already. Bet she felt the same way too. Let's see if I can make it past a week.
Still not going to work. Haven't fully recovered from my fever. Perhaps I'll make that call later today. Bad news again. Mom won't be receiving her salary yet next month. Now she's running a part time business to feed the family. Still no sign of Dad pitching in to help. But I can see him working really hard to get to it. Izni's here for the moment. She's going for an interview for a scholarship with Shell. I've been keeping myself busy with this F1 game. In fact my left finger is pressing the keyboard as I'm writing this. No wonder the writing is hideous.
Still not going to work. Haven't fully recovered from my fever. Perhaps I'll make that call later today. Bad news again. Mom won't be receiving her salary yet next month. Now she's running a part time business to feed the family. Still no sign of Dad pitching in to help. But I can see him working really hard to get to it. Izni's here for the moment. She's going for an interview for a scholarship with Shell. I've been keeping myself busy with this F1 game. In fact my left finger is pressing the keyboard as I'm writing this. No wonder the writing is hideous.
20 March 2002
Mom and Dad went to Penang, Lina's still there and Izni is staying with Uncle Dib in Sungai Buloh. Guess I'm going to be alone yesterday night. I did slept alone last night and since I'm such a good boy I'm just gonna stay home and do nothing out of the ordinary. Right.
Work is exhausting. There seem to be new rules introduced every time I restart work. But after that insult from Mom telling me to stop dreaming about Linda when I can't even feed myself, I got to have all the money in the world to prove her wrong. It's been raining for a while now after the recent dry spell. What bliss.
And I love you Sharifah Haslinda, always and forever.
Work is exhausting. There seem to be new rules introduced every time I restart work. But after that insult from Mom telling me to stop dreaming about Linda when I can't even feed myself, I got to have all the money in the world to prove her wrong. It's been raining for a while now after the recent dry spell. What bliss.
And I love you Sharifah Haslinda, always and forever.
18 March 2002
I had the weirdest dream a few nights ago. I was in the afterlife waiting to go somewhere in a nice hell. There I met Raja Ezra, my old classmate from school. And I got a pointer of 3.12 just enough to get me into heaven, LOL.
Later in real life I had a row with grandma arguing about the TV at first. Guess my mouth slipped. I didn't mean to be so harsh to her. Mom and Dad arrived late that night. Tok is in the hospital now. My good sister Lina is taking turn to look after her.
We didn't go to Penang after all. Grandma refused to go and Mom is broke anyway. So we drove straight back here. I though we planned to take turns to drive the car. I drove from Pasir Mas to Kuala Krai and Dad drove from there to Gua Musang. I can't drive very fast cause there was so much traffic and the car's too heavy with the four of us. After that stop in Gua Musang I end up driving all the way to Serdang. Dad got a stomachache or something cause he rushed to the toilet as soon as we got here. So there you go, my first long-distance drive. Although we lost a rim cover and Mom complained incessantly about my driving, we survived the journey. Thank God there were no missing tyres this time.
Yesterday in Sepang, Ralf Schumacher won the Malaysian Grand Prix. His brother could have won that if it wasn't for that accident with Montoya. Since when did I cared about Formula One?
Later in real life I had a row with grandma arguing about the TV at first. Guess my mouth slipped. I didn't mean to be so harsh to her. Mom and Dad arrived late that night. Tok is in the hospital now. My good sister Lina is taking turn to look after her.
We didn't go to Penang after all. Grandma refused to go and Mom is broke anyway. So we drove straight back here. I though we planned to take turns to drive the car. I drove from Pasir Mas to Kuala Krai and Dad drove from there to Gua Musang. I can't drive very fast cause there was so much traffic and the car's too heavy with the four of us. After that stop in Gua Musang I end up driving all the way to Serdang. Dad got a stomachache or something cause he rushed to the toilet as soon as we got here. So there you go, my first long-distance drive. Although we lost a rim cover and Mom complained incessantly about my driving, we survived the journey. Thank God there were no missing tyres this time.
Yesterday in Sepang, Ralf Schumacher won the Malaysian Grand Prix. His brother could have won that if it wasn't for that accident with Montoya. Since when did I cared about Formula One?
16 March 2002
This is the drought season. Several states had taken into water rationing already. Here it isn't so. My home for example gets it water from the well which is a bit smelly but it'll do.
Grandma was getting hostile towards me. Maybe the word hostile is too strong. But that's what happens when her precious son is around me or anybody else becomes second. Next time I shall stay no longer than 2 days. And that time would be next Hari Raya. My heart just hurts a little. I know she still loves me but I'm just tired being second fiddle in this place. I didn't even get to watch the TV this morning. Of course I understand I've nothing to give her but my unconditional love. But without the money and luxuries, I'm just a useless burden.
Grandma was getting hostile towards me. Maybe the word hostile is too strong. But that's what happens when her precious son is around me or anybody else becomes second. Next time I shall stay no longer than 2 days. And that time would be next Hari Raya. My heart just hurts a little. I know she still loves me but I'm just tired being second fiddle in this place. I didn't even get to watch the TV this morning. Of course I understand I've nothing to give her but my unconditional love. But without the money and luxuries, I'm just a useless burden.
15 March 2002
All this energy, urging me to go to work and make some money. But instead I'm stranded here doing nothing. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my love who insisted. And she'd been so nice paying for the ticket and all. Then again even if I didn't come here I'd be forced to follow Mom and Dad to Penang anyway. So I guess here is better than over there in Penang.
So it's going to be 4 years after all in the university while most of my friends just take 3½ years. I'm not stupid or anything, just lazy or preoccupied with something else (like Civilization III). After that I'm going to get engaged and a couple of month later maybe get married. Judging from my condition right now, who'd think I'll be able to support a family? I can't even support myself. Hey maybe because I'm not employed yet? Whatever it is I've got to finish my studies first. Think I really blew it this semester. Got a certain F for one subject and the others I am least likely to score. I concluded that I just don't spend enough time studying, missed a lot of classes and took my assignments for granted. So there's no better time to start all over again than this new year's day. I don't want to make any resolutions, I'll start doing them right away instead. Just do what you got to do. Happy New Year everybody. Alhamdulillah we made it through another year.
Enough of the celebration. I'm going crazy staying here tonight. Sleepless and cold and nothing to do. Thank God I brought my Walkman along and this journal to keep me sane. Now at least I can listen to Siti Nurhaliza with 'Cuti-cuti Malaysia'. I just fell in love with that song. I don't hate her, do I? I just dislike the people who worships her like Mak Cik (a friend of Linda's). Like you're getting paid for your unhealthy obsession. People like you just make her richer.
Forgot to mention Roslinda sent back all my photos a few days ago. That just hurts even more babe. If you don't like me so much just throw them away or burn them or something. Don't apologize and don't make any contact with me. And I still keep all your pictures FFS. Maybe she's getting married soon, who knows. Not that I care. Wonder who's the unlucky guy. I must warn you she's a little bit disturbed in the head.
No I didn't really mean to say those horrible things. Just a bit frustrated that's all. Rose had bee apologetic to me. So what? I don't want to wish her well, don't want to write back to her and most importantly don't want to have anything to do with her and her crazy brothers again. Her band of brothers who dislike people from Kelantan for no apparent reason. Stupid. I don't even want to think or remember her anymore.
My eyes hurt when I try to force myself to sleep. And the mosquitoes were having a feast on me. Started to think a lot of things before going to sleep. My worries, my debts, my family and my future. Lina got a letter from a lawyer demanding that she pay her TM Touch bills or see them in court. Lucky she still got her study loan money. Her bill was about RM563 and I owe TM Touch a lot more than that I'm afraid. I'm so screwed.
So it's going to be 4 years after all in the university while most of my friends just take 3½ years. I'm not stupid or anything, just lazy or preoccupied with something else (like Civilization III). After that I'm going to get engaged and a couple of month later maybe get married. Judging from my condition right now, who'd think I'll be able to support a family? I can't even support myself. Hey maybe because I'm not employed yet? Whatever it is I've got to finish my studies first. Think I really blew it this semester. Got a certain F for one subject and the others I am least likely to score. I concluded that I just don't spend enough time studying, missed a lot of classes and took my assignments for granted. So there's no better time to start all over again than this new year's day. I don't want to make any resolutions, I'll start doing them right away instead. Just do what you got to do. Happy New Year everybody. Alhamdulillah we made it through another year.
Enough of the celebration. I'm going crazy staying here tonight. Sleepless and cold and nothing to do. Thank God I brought my Walkman along and this journal to keep me sane. Now at least I can listen to Siti Nurhaliza with 'Cuti-cuti Malaysia'. I just fell in love with that song. I don't hate her, do I? I just dislike the people who worships her like Mak Cik (a friend of Linda's). Like you're getting paid for your unhealthy obsession. People like you just make her richer.
Forgot to mention Roslinda sent back all my photos a few days ago. That just hurts even more babe. If you don't like me so much just throw them away or burn them or something. Don't apologize and don't make any contact with me. And I still keep all your pictures FFS. Maybe she's getting married soon, who knows. Not that I care. Wonder who's the unlucky guy. I must warn you she's a little bit disturbed in the head.
No I didn't really mean to say those horrible things. Just a bit frustrated that's all. Rose had bee apologetic to me. So what? I don't want to wish her well, don't want to write back to her and most importantly don't want to have anything to do with her and her crazy brothers again. Her band of brothers who dislike people from Kelantan for no apparent reason. Stupid. I don't even want to think or remember her anymore.
My eyes hurt when I try to force myself to sleep. And the mosquitoes were having a feast on me. Started to think a lot of things before going to sleep. My worries, my debts, my family and my future. Lina got a letter from a lawyer demanding that she pay her TM Touch bills or see them in court. Lucky she still got her study loan money. Her bill was about RM563 and I owe TM Touch a lot more than that I'm afraid. I'm so screwed.
14 March 2002
Safe and sound in Pasir Mas. Naturally I was sad to let her go when we departed in Tanah Merah. I gave her my sweater so that she could wear it when she gets cold. I had to walk almost 2 miles from where the bus stopped since there's nobody around to pick me up at 5:39 in the morning. Unless if you want to hop in one of those cutthroat illegal cabs. Had a quick shower then sleep till afternoon.
Did a lot of errands for Grandma. Fixing up new locks and stuff till my hands aches. Obviously she's still recovering from the break in. Uncle Din is to arrive tonight. Hmm.
It's so nice to be back here. This morning when I was about to sleep, I noticed the birds singing and the chicken roosting. Something you can barely notice in Serdang because of the noise pollution. The downside is I can't go anywhere because there's nothing to ride or drive here. Unless if I'd like to take the bus which require me walking another 2 miles there. That's why I'm not planning to stay here for long. Perhaps after I had my own car. Then I would stay longer. ANd I had to! I probably need to stay in Tanah Merah too sometimes by then. Nice thoughts.
Did a lot of errands for Grandma. Fixing up new locks and stuff till my hands aches. Obviously she's still recovering from the break in. Uncle Din is to arrive tonight. Hmm.
It's so nice to be back here. This morning when I was about to sleep, I noticed the birds singing and the chicken roosting. Something you can barely notice in Serdang because of the noise pollution. The downside is I can't go anywhere because there's nothing to ride or drive here. Unless if I'd like to take the bus which require me walking another 2 miles there. That's why I'm not planning to stay here for long. Perhaps after I had my own car. Then I would stay longer. ANd I had to! I probably need to stay in Tanah Merah too sometimes by then. Nice thoughts.
13 March 2002
As you can see I can't write properly while on this commuter. But I did arrive safe and sound at Hentian Putra where it drizzled nicely. Linda went out early than me where she enjoyed a ride up at The Mall, resulting in her being late again when she got too preoccupied with the ride. Think I'm tired of waiting of her sometimes. We didn't have to wait long for the bus to arrive. The ride back home was so-so. We stopped for supper in Kuala Lipis.
10 March 2002
Faiz came by yesterday bringing along his friends, One friend gave a lecture to me. It was a nice one but they were actually persuading me to join their tabligh band. Later they returned and Faiz stayed. So I told him about out problems, how Mom and Dad are broke and when I related to him I'm going back to Pasir Mas next week, he offered to pay for my ticket. At first I thought, how thoughtful of you my brother. But then he said on the condition that I must join his tabligh band out for 3 days. Then I thought, screw you. If you're not sincere then don't even bother. I'd rather stay here and work my ass of at my McDonald's store.
Mom went back to Penang to pick up Izni over there She was disappointed with Lina's attitude. Well Mom, it's not like you don't know already how she is. Poor Mom had to pawn her gold chain to support us next month. I felt dreadful.
After that last row, went out again. Linda and I just can't fight for long. We went sight-seeing at Sunway Pyramid and on the way back my tire mysteriously went flat. I suspect one of the security guard did it. He must be pissed that I parked illegally by the roadside. Fuck you if you really did that. Fortunately we found a pump station with a working air pump. We filled up the air in the tire, drove back to Kerinchi and had dinner there and I drove back safely here. At home I found out my front tire had really punctured. That's going to cost us.
Linda being so awfully nice again and offered to pay for our trip back home. And we even get to ride a bus instead of the train. Of course I'm planning to pay her back every cent someday. So long, I had to actually study.
Mom went back to Penang to pick up Izni over there She was disappointed with Lina's attitude. Well Mom, it's not like you don't know already how she is. Poor Mom had to pawn her gold chain to support us next month. I felt dreadful.
After that last row, went out again. Linda and I just can't fight for long. We went sight-seeing at Sunway Pyramid and on the way back my tire mysteriously went flat. I suspect one of the security guard did it. He must be pissed that I parked illegally by the roadside. Fuck you if you really did that. Fortunately we found a pump station with a working air pump. We filled up the air in the tire, drove back to Kerinchi and had dinner there and I drove back safely here. At home I found out my front tire had really punctured. That's going to cost us.
Linda being so awfully nice again and offered to pay for our trip back home. And we even get to ride a bus instead of the train. Of course I'm planning to pay her back every cent someday. So long, I had to actually study.
7 March 2002
I got to know that Dad is currently working as a salesman selling home security system. He quit his RM4,500 a month job to be with us only to be doing that? I'm touched. In the mean time, I've been very snobbish all the time. But I'm sure that wouldn't be his permanent job. I can see he's still actively searching for other jobs that pays well and suits his qualifications. I can do my part by saving and stop eating out and cutting out of junk food. But then I can't possibly eat everything that Mom cooks. I'd rather starve. Oh well.
My finals are not going really well. Got an F in hand and I'm sure I won't be doing well in the others. And my Mom is expecting me to score! Are you trying to be funny? She's also broke at the moment. Won't be getting any salary this month because of some beuracratic bullshit. How fucked is that? Just because she just transferred here, she won't be getting paid until after 3 months. The government should really get this shit right. What's with all those K-economy bull. Fix the essentials first.
And Lina's been threatening to move back to college. I think she couldn't stand living with us too. All the time she had to sleep and study in the living room while Tok sleeps in hers. What a noble sacrifice sis. But not to worry. Tok will be leaving us tomorrow. I hope she doesn't hate me or anything. I've been least helpful or hospitable to her to say the least. Not as good as how my parent are treating her. I still remember the horrible things they told me about Tok.
Linda been acting strange lately. Maybe it's that time of the month or maybe I've done something wrong again. Perhaps me bossing her around have finally gotten to her nerves. Perhaps I shouldn't be so physical to her. Perhaps she doesn't like me anymore? Whatever it is, I trust she would voice it out to me soon. The point is I'm perplexed and confused now.
My bike had been acting up again. Now the battery seemed to be weak. Couldn't possibly chosen a better time. I have no idea how settle this month and next month's installment. Not to mention my road tax is expiring soon. Amid all these worries thank God for the piracy industry. I just found myself the entire Weezer discography on one CD. I virtually grew up listening to them and it feels so good to be listening to them again after so long. I know I should be saving but this short pant and Weezer are a necessity to me right now.
It's half past four. To sleep or not to sleep. Might miss the Subuh prayer if I do.
My finals are not going really well. Got an F in hand and I'm sure I won't be doing well in the others. And my Mom is expecting me to score! Are you trying to be funny? She's also broke at the moment. Won't be getting any salary this month because of some beuracratic bullshit. How fucked is that? Just because she just transferred here, she won't be getting paid until after 3 months. The government should really get this shit right. What's with all those K-economy bull. Fix the essentials first.
And Lina's been threatening to move back to college. I think she couldn't stand living with us too. All the time she had to sleep and study in the living room while Tok sleeps in hers. What a noble sacrifice sis. But not to worry. Tok will be leaving us tomorrow. I hope she doesn't hate me or anything. I've been least helpful or hospitable to her to say the least. Not as good as how my parent are treating her. I still remember the horrible things they told me about Tok.
Linda been acting strange lately. Maybe it's that time of the month or maybe I've done something wrong again. Perhaps me bossing her around have finally gotten to her nerves. Perhaps I shouldn't be so physical to her. Perhaps she doesn't like me anymore? Whatever it is, I trust she would voice it out to me soon. The point is I'm perplexed and confused now.
My bike had been acting up again. Now the battery seemed to be weak. Couldn't possibly chosen a better time. I have no idea how settle this month and next month's installment. Not to mention my road tax is expiring soon. Amid all these worries thank God for the piracy industry. I just found myself the entire Weezer discography on one CD. I virtually grew up listening to them and it feels so good to be listening to them again after so long. I know I should be saving but this short pant and Weezer are a necessity to me right now.
It's half past four. To sleep or not to sleep. Might miss the Subuh prayer if I do.
2 March 2002
These past few days were quite hellish. I was so broke and miserable. My wages has not come in even when it's a new month already. I had another row with Linda. Mom and Dad are quite broke too. The finals are near. Loads of assignment. My bike installment is due and I have no idea how to pay that. Tok is still here. And after that Audit final I started to experience this serious headache.
Thankfully that headache disappears as soon as I got my pay this afternoon. I don't feel so miserable anymore. I just want to sleep.
Thankfully that headache disappears as soon as I got my pay this afternoon. I don't feel so miserable anymore. I just want to sleep.
27 February 2002
There's nothing much to write really. Actually there's a few sacred things I'd like to write here but I prefer not to since I'm planning to swap Linda's diary with mine at the end of the year. Perhaps they are too secret or embarrassing to put down here. Worried that someday I could be very famous and this journal could be worth a few million dollars when it fell into the wrong hand. That's just not right at all. I wish I could record my deepest darkest secret here but the risk is not worth it. Finally found a subject for my final year project.
I've been exercising my biceps and triceps quite frequently these days. It does made me look better, naturally. It better does cause the dumbbells cost me a fortune. Leaving me quite broke at the moment. I'd be broke anyway. The times I ate outside. Mother's cooking sometimes just wouldn't do it for me. I hope she's not hurt much. Like the time she bought that imported beef that tasted like rubber flip-flops. I hope Linda would fare much better in the cooking department. She simply must or I'll die in hunger.
Lost of dew days of my life to Civilization III. This game is so addictive. Just when you're thinking of stopping after that diplomatic victory. America declares war on Malaysia. Thank God the application crashed a few turns later. It's an illegal copy anyway so I didn't expect much.
Linda been so nice to me. She treated me with satay that day in Kajang. Always generous she is. I do love her so.
So much for nothing much to write.
I've been exercising my biceps and triceps quite frequently these days. It does made me look better, naturally. It better does cause the dumbbells cost me a fortune. Leaving me quite broke at the moment. I'd be broke anyway. The times I ate outside. Mother's cooking sometimes just wouldn't do it for me. I hope she's not hurt much. Like the time she bought that imported beef that tasted like rubber flip-flops. I hope Linda would fare much better in the cooking department. She simply must or I'll die in hunger.
Lost of dew days of my life to Civilization III. This game is so addictive. Just when you're thinking of stopping after that diplomatic victory. America declares war on Malaysia. Thank God the application crashed a few turns later. It's an illegal copy anyway so I didn't expect much.
Linda been so nice to me. She treated me with satay that day in Kajang. Always generous she is. I do love her so.
So much for nothing much to write.
20 February 2002
A lot of things to worry about - the finals, assignments, project. My final starts on the second of next month. My team mate is sending alarming text messages about our assignment. That's the good thing about group work. You tend to finish your work. Depending on who's in your team. I've got an all girl team so I've no choice but to work hard.
It appears to be I can't sit for my discreet structure final. I've been barred along with numerous others. That actually made it a lot easier for me since I don't intend to waste my time attending the exam anyway. Of course Linda didn't know and I'm not telling. It's a total humiliation. Linda had this frightening dream where she gets to attend my wedding. She took it so seriously that she cried when she woke up. Silly girl. That's just a dream. Most dreams don't come true. But that also proves that she loves me so. Isn't that great.
I've been having trouble with Mom's cooking again. I really don't want to hurt her feelings. I shall be very discrete about my opinions next time.
I do wish I had an Internet access here at home but we don't even have a phone line. I wish I can install Windows XP on my PC. Somehow NT technology doesn't play nice with my motherboard. Stupid Asus Cuple Vm. I've put too much trust on you.
It pours last evening. My bike was soaked. Let's prat that it won't.
It appears to be I can't sit for my discreet structure final. I've been barred along with numerous others. That actually made it a lot easier for me since I don't intend to waste my time attending the exam anyway. Of course Linda didn't know and I'm not telling. It's a total humiliation. Linda had this frightening dream where she gets to attend my wedding. She took it so seriously that she cried when she woke up. Silly girl. That's just a dream. Most dreams don't come true. But that also proves that she loves me so. Isn't that great.
I've been having trouble with Mom's cooking again. I really don't want to hurt her feelings. I shall be very discrete about my opinions next time.
I do wish I had an Internet access here at home but we don't even have a phone line. I wish I can install Windows XP on my PC. Somehow NT technology doesn't play nice with my motherboard. Stupid Asus Cuple Vm. I've put too much trust on you.
It pours last evening. My bike was soaked. Let's prat that it won't.
12 February 2002
We went to Genting Highland on Sunday. I started off early, 9:00 am is early in my dictionary. But after having breakfast, stopping by at a shop, pump station and the ATM, we only left after 10:30 am. It was a long and dreadful journey uphill. No wonder I can only see a handful of mad bikers riding up there. Other normal person would take the bus and the sky lift or just drive there. My poor bike must be screaming in pain. The 15 kilometers journey felt like forever.
Anyway, we did arrive safe and sound. All my fatigue was relieved by the cool, breezy environment of Genting Highlands. It must be heavenly for the folks living up there. Now I've made up my mind to have our honeymoon there. Linda was tempted to enter the theme park which costs RM28 each. I insisted that it was too expensive for us and we can't afford it. Come to think of it, I'm such a jerk for doing that. She must be disappointed with me. So we stroll along looking for some garden or park to walk in but couldn't find any. I guess aside from the Theme Park there's nothing much interesting to do in Genting Highlands. We did found a Mushroom Garden which turned out to be a real mushroom farm. In the end we found a tiny garden in front one of the hotels and just sat there for a couple of minutes before going home.
So much for our lovely weekend trip.
Anyway, we did arrive safe and sound. All my fatigue was relieved by the cool, breezy environment of Genting Highlands. It must be heavenly for the folks living up there. Now I've made up my mind to have our honeymoon there. Linda was tempted to enter the theme park which costs RM28 each. I insisted that it was too expensive for us and we can't afford it. Come to think of it, I'm such a jerk for doing that. She must be disappointed with me. So we stroll along looking for some garden or park to walk in but couldn't find any. I guess aside from the Theme Park there's nothing much interesting to do in Genting Highlands. We did found a Mushroom Garden which turned out to be a real mushroom farm. In the end we found a tiny garden in front one of the hotels and just sat there for a couple of minutes before going home.
So much for our lovely weekend trip.
4 February 2002
You don't know what you got till it's gone. I missed sending her at the bus station and now I misses her so much. But not for long though. She's arriving later this morning and I'll be there to pick them up. Plus Lina is arriving here too along with Tok. I have nothing against that lady but I still think Mom should get along with her mother first before anyone else. Matok never even been here yet for goodness's sake. Nonetheless I wouldn't want to hurt Mom's feelings.
31 January 2002
My good friend's bike, Azizan got stolen last week. A few days after another friend of mine lost his TZM too. Same place and about the same time. Looks like the parking of the new lecture hall is hotbed for crooks and motorcycle thieves. Surely made me sleepless at night when our gate is left open. Poor Jai, he must be devastated although he didn't show it much.
The pre-registration starts again this week. The faculty has added a new feature to the system requiring students to report to their respective academic advisors before getting to enter the subject. Although their intentions where good, it proved to be a nuisance to me because my advisors seemed to be MIA all the time. I spent the last few days trying to find her and still end up not finding here anywhere. This is the time to be quick or be sorry when the quotas are full. Got a test tomorrow.
The pre-registration starts again this week. The faculty has added a new feature to the system requiring students to report to their respective academic advisors before getting to enter the subject. Although their intentions where good, it proved to be a nuisance to me because my advisors seemed to be MIA all the time. I spent the last few days trying to find her and still end up not finding here anywhere. This is the time to be quick or be sorry when the quotas are full. Got a test tomorrow.
28 January 2002
Linda, Mak Cik and I went to Port Dickson today. Not really a good time to go anywhere since I was quite broke (what else is new). But then after she insist of going and promised to take care of everything I tagged along in the end. Sadly I forgot to bring my shorts so I had to watch from the beach as the had fun in the water. Linda was extra nice to me today. In fact she gave me a silly David Beckham t-shirt today before we parted. Even after I rushed home to watch the F.A cup on TV she seemed to long for my presence. Liverpool lost that match anyway, 0-1 to Arsenal. Interesting match though, 3 sending offs and numerous bookable offences. I was quite a frustrating evening. And a raiding party just ambushed our settlers in Civ 4!
24 January 2002
The day after was not that bad after all. But the moment during Dad's arrival in the evening was quite emotional. I just got back from the lab to hear them all so sad and low. Lina was arguing something while crying out loud. I didn't have the chance to participate because I went straight to Linda's place. I can't bear to see Dad's face at that moment. Linda was most helpful. She was exceptionally cheerful that night. I just can't be wrong about her now. It's all good. They can't be sad forever. Life must go on. No use crying over split milk. I've got a whole load of work in front of me. I just need to stop myself being preoccupied with those computer games that's all. Still, I always think that Mom should get along and took care of her mother first before someone else's.
22 January 2002
I found out I missed yet another exam. Now my chance of passing Discrete Structure is almost zero. The good news is, finished applying for the loan extension and finally found myself a project supervisor (thanks Dr Hamidah). Felt like I was relieved from a really heavy burden. The bad news is, Dad is tearing my Mom's heart apart. He just got back with his ex-wife yesterday. It's all done now. Somehow she lured Dad into spending the night with her and you know what that means. Poor Mom. She must be devastated. She looked like she lost all hope to go on. I as the strongest advocate of them being back together felt rather guilty too. Maybe it was just not meant to be?
And I sense a major change with my love life with Sharifah. Perhaps a change for the better?
And I sense a major change with my love life with Sharifah. Perhaps a change for the better?
8 January 2002
With all the excitement of the new year and the exam, I forgot to tell you about this life-threatening incident that happened to me a week ago. As I was driving our old Proton car, WBR 464 to KL to send our TV set to Linda, one of the tyres suddenly rolled out of its place. Lucky for me I still got control of the car or else I wouldn't be writing this right now. That's why I felt something wrong with the steering while driving from KLIA earlier that afternoon. I never knew the tyre was really bad. I called my friends to pick me up and got a two truck to take the car to a workshop. Must have cost my parent a bomb. That was the third time I've ever encountered a near fatal accident in my life. It's certainly not a pleasant experience at all.
After the Civilization 3 fever was over, I get to actually get on with my life. It's a good thing I can't load any empire anymore. There seemed to be something wrong with the saved game file. Took my Spanish test yesterday. Wish I'd studied much earlier. Went out with Linda again. She looked exhausted after coming back from her work. You got to be strong now girl.
Mom started living with us now. In the mean time, Dad is busy looking for another job. All the best to us.
After the Civilization 3 fever was over, I get to actually get on with my life. It's a good thing I can't load any empire anymore. There seemed to be something wrong with the saved game file. Took my Spanish test yesterday. Wish I'd studied much earlier. Went out with Linda again. She looked exhausted after coming back from her work. You got to be strong now girl.
Mom started living with us now. In the mean time, Dad is busy looking for another job. All the best to us.
5 January 2002
I was so engrossed in the Civilization III game, it took me 5 days to recover and return back to the real world. This game is really addictive. I skipped several classes, slept very late at night and only stop to eat (and pray and shower). Mom and Dad were here several days ago and I got an earful when Lina told them about me skipping classes. Thanks a lot sis.
On new year's eve, Linda and I went to KLCC to celebrate. Half an hour before midnight she said something hurtful and I stubbornly refused to forgive her until the next year. But then when next year came, it was she that's still mad at me. In the end she just left me alone at Vista Angkasa's parking lot. Me being mad would be an understatement. And as always she called me back at home a few moments later and we then made up with each other. We just can't fight for long. We loved each other too much.
I start work again today. Linda started her practical on Monday.
On new year's eve, Linda and I went to KLCC to celebrate. Half an hour before midnight she said something hurtful and I stubbornly refused to forgive her until the next year. But then when next year came, it was she that's still mad at me. In the end she just left me alone at Vista Angkasa's parking lot. Me being mad would be an understatement. And as always she called me back at home a few moments later and we then made up with each other. We just can't fight for long. We loved each other too much.
I start work again today. Linda started her practical on Monday.
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