29 March 2001

It is all because of a person called Hafiman. I knew him for a brief 18 months or so. Enough to know what he's like. Obviously not someone I'd consider husband material. Okay I'm to devastated to continue writing this.

26 March 2001

The finals are finally over. The questions were relatively easy for the last paper. I took like 40 minutes answering all the questions rather than 2 hours. Still they made me wait the entire length of the exam before I can get out. How dreadful. They should have a law against this kind of torture. Finally around 10:30 am I took my bike and rode straight to Tangkak using the highway. I arrived safe and sound in Muar. Spent the night at my buddy's Azif's house. He was very kind to have paid for my journey there and all the way to Johor Bharu. Even lend me another 100 ringgit. How could I ever pay him back for his kindness. Rose didn't sound too excited to hear me coming. Maybe she had something to say to me.

Found out before I came along into her life, she's already accepted another men's love. And that man was Hafiman. That jerk. Of all people. I am just too depressed to continue writing this. Later perhaps.

5 March 2001

The great thing about she being so near to me right now is that I can talk to her through the phone and not lose an arm and a leg. It's still a great pity though that I didn't get to meet her. She was afraid that her dad might change his mind if I did. As much as that suck, I also don't have the urge to meet him or any member of her family soon. Anyway I hope to see her after the finals regardless. Wonder where I'll be staying then. My Mom know somebody there in Larkin. Azizie & Shahir is another option although I haven't heard from them in ages.

Half of the household is gone now. They're all gone home for Hari Raya Haji. The other half including me has their own reason for not going back. For me I just hate to board those extra buses again. They're expensive, old and just plain uncomfortable. Besides I didn't go home last year too so this year won't be any different. Mom and Grandma are going to Uncle Din's place in Alor Setar so will Auntie Yati. Lina and Izni would probably stay home. Izni just got her SPM result and they were excellent. She got 12 aggregates just like me. I am so proud of my little sister. There's always two of us, gifted children of the family. She's the other one. of course my two other siblings are equally special too in their own different special way. That said, I think I am the extra special one with the constant shock and surprises. And I like it that way. Conformity is boring. I'd probably stay home and study this holidays. There seemed so much to do with the computer now that it's up and running.

Rose is asking just RM10K for her dowry. That's the dowry alone. The wedding is another matter. Although I have no idea where to get that large amount of money in 2 years time. Especially when I just graduated and (hopefully) just started my first job. Let's hope I don't have to break a bank or something. RM10K man! Perhaps I could ask her to reconsider. Of course she said it was for the sake of our future children. Somehow that seemed so far away in the future right now. Grandma would not be too happy to hear about this. I've got to tell her nicely the next time we meet. She's really looking forward for our next meeting as much as I do. Don't be surprised dear if I looked much lighter than before. I only eat bread every day now.

All this talk about money is really unnerving.

4 March 2001

The past few days had very been a treacherous moment for me, up until now. Rose had ran out of credits so we can't exchange SMSs anymore. She told me she felt like dying because of that but I felt even worse. But then I also wonder if it's so bad for her why didn't she make any attempt to reload her credit? Perhaps she didn't have time to (I doubt it) or maybe she didn't have much money left (doubtful also). By the was she happens to be in town too right now. But like always, chances are we are not going to meet because of her busy schedule. And the fact I'm still to chicken to meet her parent (again). Anyway I've got this huge pimple on my face and I don't want her to see me like this. My hair is also too long for my liking and I'm in dire need of shaving too. The good news is she's planning to do her practical somewhere in KL, some time in June. Although that is still a long way to come but the thought of us being so near together is beyond wonderful. Needless to say we are so madly in love with each other and I'm so lucky to have her. Oh how I missed her so much.

In other news, Mom had generously donated to me some funds to buy a brand new hard drive. I met up with her in KLCC where she was taking some school kids sightseeing. Later I ran straight to the Mines Shopping Fair to get that hard drive. It costs me a cool RM345. Wish I could ask more to fix my poor bike. The brake pads are worn out and I need to get that fixed quick before I crash into something or somebody. Don't want Rose to be a widow so soon do I?