29 April 2002

Had yet another row with my love. This time it's because of pure jealousy. I shouldn't have taken that watch from her arch-rival. But a few hours ago we patched things up. Later we had a tire puncture in the middle of the road. Thank God there were such people as friends. When I failed to contact Dad, I tried Jai and lucky for me Pendi picked up. So he and Isa came to my rescue. What's more we managed to find a workshop that's partially open at 10:07 pm on a Sunday some more. I treated them with dinner afterwards. Most of all I'd like to thank Linda for all her generosity and support. What would I do without her. Made me love her all so much after that. Alhamdulillah.

23 April 2002

My CD business is not going really well although there were a rise of demand from my friends at work. I regretted buying those cheap CD-Rs which is faulty 2 out of 3. As a result my first customer Mr Sukree was not satisfied at all. Let's hope the new CD-Rs that I'll be buying tomorrow will be better. Else I'll be out of business for sure.

My sweetheart is being very supportive indeed. She gave me a 10 ringgit loan and even recommended my CD-burning business to her friends. Think I'm going to seriously change my attitude towards her from now on. I've been very mean this past few months.

22 April 2002

Mom and Dad came back from Penang bearing bad news. Tok was not getting any better and her Indonesian maid just ran away yesterday. She must be kiddng trying to force one of us siblings to take care of her instead. I had a good time with Linda. That's all. There was a crew meeting at the store on Saturday. I braved myself to bring WFC to the city. Thankfully I met no obstacle along the way. Another typical crew meeting. Somebody else got all the prizes and awards and I got nothing. I'll eat my shoes if I ever got the Crew of The Month award or anything.

Let's hope my business of selling cds will go well. Burnt my work pants badly now I'll have to work for quite some time yet wearing that. How unlucky. I wonder if I even get to pay for my bike let alone my road tax. Still, I can't sleep at nights

14 April 2002

By this time I have finished reading my previous journal. Got me grinning all by myself in the end. Dad didn't go to Johor after all. Instead he went to pick up WBR at the airport which Uncle Din had borrowed for a few days.

Made friends with all the new crews at the store especially the girls. One looked like my former friends and ever her name was similar to that of my old schoolmate. I found out she already has a guy. This is not right. These pages were meant for my deeper secret but now I just can't write it here. Anyway I'm feeling rather guilty at the moment.

Working at the store is truly very lively especially with Manesa around. She's really one funny girl. There's never a dull moment with her around. Too bad she forgot how to pray. I have a problem with people who doesn't pray no matter how nice they are. Now even Mr Abu Bakar and Zaidi forgot to pray. It looks like I'm the only guy here who prays at all.

Today is my day off but I don't feel like going anywhere without my WFC. It made me sad to see my baby standing there motionless every day with collecting dirt and all, not to mention a bad battery. Think I'll visit the old house later. Nobody bothered to wash the dirty dishes in the kitchen. It's quite not the same without all the women in the house. Shouldn't have bought that nasi lemak earlier. Now I'm quite full and alert. And the tea was too sweet.

The whole of England is mourning David Beckham's broken foot. I've never broken any bone all my life. Even if I did, nobody would give a shite. My daily routine had been so full and boring like the one below:

7:00 am
Wake up or not wake up to pray. Usually Mom or Dad came to wake me up. Sometimes nobody does.

7:07 am
Continue to sleep. Complaint to myself about neighbor playing Tamil songs on their radio.

2:14 pm
Really actually wake up. Could be sooner if I had something important to do. Sometimes Mom will make some noodle dish when I asked her to. Most of the time I'll go to work hungry when she didn't bother to cook. She actually expected me to eat what she made for breakfast. Euw.

3:30 pm
Off to work. 25 to 37 minutes depending on which bike I rode. Currently using a slow Suzuki FX-110 bike which regularly causes my back to ache.

4:00 pm
Start work. Filtering or back sink or both or the lobby. Flirt with somebody. Piss off some manager.

12:00 am
Goes home hot and sweaty. Sometimes in the pouring rain.

12:30 am
I usually got home around this tome. Made some tea, shower and pray.

1:09 am
Watch TV if any. Read yesterday's newspaper if any or play Civilization III or F1 2001 or do nothing but listen to Best 104.

4:07 am
Tries very hard to sleep or debate to do so at all. Usually takes about 40 minutes to 2 hours.

6:33 am
Failed to go to sleep (obviously). Write on this journal or play Freecell to kill time.

There you see how my life's been for the past few weeks. I'm more like a robot during the day and a zombie by night. Got to learn to sleep early if I ever want to finish my proposal.

And by the way, I've just knocked my head painfully onto the bookshelf. Damn it hurts.

13 April 2002

My evil stepmother has started to act crazy again. A few days back I received a surprise call from her swearing and screaming those dirty words again. Later I found out from Mom she'd even got to know her school's phone number and made the same disturbing calls there. I conclude this maniac has not really recovered from her mental illness. Not until she gets even with her revenge. She did made some huge damage already to Dad which caused him to be completely broke and forced to quit his job and start from scratch again. I wonder how far she will go this time. If I ever get to meet her I won't hesitate to give her a good slapping. Dad has proven his love towards us first by marrying Mom again and then to succumb to that woman's evil plans. He is presently struggling to make end meet. Not just anyone would quite their cushy job to live in near poverty. My Dad did just that for the sake of us. I'll certainly remember that.

In the mean time, Mom's off to Penang again. I've always questioned secretly why she should bother to take that extra effort to care for Tok while her own mother is taken for granted. Furthermore if Tok ever returns here, I'll be losing my nice bed to her while an Indonesian maid or someone will be paid by Mr Anwar Iqbal to look after her. What's with the Iqbals? I'm starting to resent him as well as Tok. Dad meanwhile was told by that evil step mother that Meera is sick or something so he insisted on going to Johor instead off following Mom to Penang. Here you can see how father's affection to his mother and my own mother's taking the extra trouble caring after her. Hope my children is not like that.

Mom refused to give any money for Dad's trip this time so I wonder how he's going to get there. He should come up with some brilliant ideas in times of need, my Dad. I just grew tired of this never-ending squabbling. To me Dad was a simple, loving man who made a grave mistake once on choosing who to love.

Poor Dad. He's sleeping alone tonight. Left all the doors unlocked when we got here a few hours ago before I found him snoring quietly in his room. He could be off to Johor later, who knows. Think I'm going to continue reading my old journal to help pass the time.

It's a totally different era then. I've changed my goals and motivation now. Back then my world spun around my friends. Today it revolves around Linda and my debts. My handwriting was ugly last time around. Now it's much smaller, tidier and still legible. Can you see the difference here?

10 April 2002

If you can't have the best of everything, make the best of what you have. That's what written on that bookmark a friend gave to me. Wonder where she is right now. I should count my blessings for things that could be worse. I'll just have to work double hard from now on. Mom's been rather nice to me lately and she even tidied up my room for the past two days. Perhaps she's trying to make up for our poverty. I don't want to hurt her but still I'm not going anywhere until my overdue debts are settled. She didn't say anything about the trip to Penang anyway. And I didn't bother to ask. Perhaps she doesn't want to.

I started to miss Linda now. She felt the same or else she wouldn't be stopping by the store last night. After our last outing, I don't feel like going out again for a while. She did hurt my feelings last time although I confessed my mistake. But what can you expect? I'm an insomniac and rarely got up before 2:00 pm these days. By the way, I don't usually go to eat straight after waking up. She instead thought that I didn't care for all her efforts. Of course I do care. It's just I'm a sick man here. I try to explain that several times before but she didn't seem to understand.

The days to come, I would feeling low and blue. Not until I get to ride my bike again. I must thank Mom today. Know she tried her best for the sake of the family

9 April 2002

I'm in such a mess. This bed sheet seriously need washing cause I'm starting to feel itchy all over. But I can't afford to send it to the laundry right now. My room desperately need some cleaning and tidying. It's filled with dust, probably due to excessive smoking. My bike could do with a bath but I'm so sad of not being able to use it tomorrow and I thought what's the point? It's going to get dusty at home anyway. I don't have the energy or point to smile at home except for Jack & Jill which had turned to very exciting indeed. Hope Dad will get that job with Texas Instruments. I can't bear to live in poverty no more.

I've numerous cuts and bruises on my hand from working. Most of the time Mom doesn't bother to find out about my well being, whether I'm hungry or not after work. She just cares for Dad. I love her still. Need to take into consideration that she still give me some little money and bids farewell when I'm off to work.

My current ups and downs:

1. Living with my parent which mean I don't have to worry about them bills.

2. No further ups.

1. My next door neighbor is awfully disturbed with the noise that I made with the radio and the computer.

2. I'm so pissed poor.

3. I can't sleep at night.

4. I still don't have any idea on my final year project.

5. I have to work like crap every day just to earn some money.