9 December 2000

A few days ago I spent 250 ringgit in a single day on my bike. It's the biggest amount I have ever spent so far this semester. Actually the figure is way over 300 ringgit if you count the extra things I spent before this. However my bike looks quite good and new now. A refreshing look, striking red and white like I always wanted all along. I don't mind the money spent, it's the satisfaction that counts. In other news, a few days ago I got my first summons from UPM security. Cost me a dear 15 ringgit. Although that's nothing compared to what I've spent earlier. But I was very mad with that summons. Who do they think they are? Then again I thought they were just doing their job. I have nobody bu myself to blame for parking my bike there.

Guess who's back in town? None other than Miss Rose! Again she came by with her parent which makes it a rather impossible mission for us to meet. I don't want it to be like last time which was really awkward. Not that it concerns me or anything. I wonder if she felt the same, hmmm. Whatever it is she's got one, maybe two days to figure it out cause I sure hell ain't doing the first move.

My desk which I bought just 2 weeks ago had literally fell apart. Let this be a lesson to me. It's the quality not quantity that matters. What's the use of buying cheap stuff when it's almost sure to break in no time. Now I had to buy a new one, a better, sturdy one that is. Imagine what my mates will think of me now.

Don't know why but ever since my bike gone through that make over, I've been crazy about bikes, it's accessories & racing. Tomorrow for example, I'm going to Kajang to get myself a leather jacket. At the moment I feel like asking everybody for a race down the highway. Mental, I know.

And Mr. Sudin forgot to include my name in the roster this week. Silly man. He has no idea how I needed the money now.

3 December 2000

Got a brand new uniform for work yesterday. A nice red and black t-shirt with a cap made from high-quality fabric. Well at least better than the boring plastic one that we've been using. It rained on the way there so I had to stop under a bridge because I really didn't want to get wet to work. It would be really uncomfortable if so.

I called Rose last night and spent 20 ringgit or so in the process. It is simply not going to work for us. She lives so far away and that really doesn't help in this relationship. Just looking at all those loving couple together just makes me plain jealous. Why can't we be like that? Oh yeah, we're a thousand miles apart. I presume Rose felt the same way too. To have a working relationship first you've got to be together. She also said she's got like another 8 months to go before she finishes her diploma and after that if her results were good she's thinking of furthering her studies in UUM up north. Or she could get a job first.

Hello, what's up with that? Just when I started to like her. It's obvious to me that she doesn't seem to make any effort to be nearer to me. She should have if she really likes me that much. Apparently she doesn't. So I guess we're just friends after all. A really close one that is. Now I guess I'll have to find another one. Actually that's what I've been doing all this while or perhaps that's what I thought. To be honest I was hoping like some girl would make the first move like the unfortunate Aida. Too bad Aida didn't meet even one of my stringent requirement. Girls, I could be a very loving person once you get to know me you know. The only problem is who would want some guy with a few missing teeth and numerous scars on his arms? Perhaps my one true love someday? I believe when someone truly loves you she will just like you just the way you are, scars, defects and all. But for now, I think girls run for cover when they see me ha ha!

That said, someday who knew. I'm already 20 years old right now and I think I'm mature enough to stand on my own two feet, listen to my heart and chose between right and wrong. I never forgot my obligations and responsibilities to God and my family and friends and those who depend on me. Think I should be grateful for what I have become and what God has given me. Unlike some people out there.

I said that because yesterday I saw 3 healthy and able-bodied young Malay men came into the store, ordered and ate at the table just like that. Yes sure they are Muslims by birth but that doesn't mean they're Muslims in the true sense. Obviously they didn't bother to do what God has instructed them to do and not do. And the day before I went to this snooker place and saw 3 supposedly students enjoying themselves without a care in the world when they're supposed to be studying and using their parent/loan money on books or something. It's either they're really dumb or they got lost with all the distractions and peer pressure. I felt so grateful.

29 November 2000

It was probably the most beautiful government hospital that I've been to. Perhaps because it is still very new but whatever it is I was certainly impressed with Selayang hospital. That said, the road leading to this hospital is not exactly smooth. Reminds me of Dakar - Paris rally or something like that. Anyway, Mom is much better now after the doctor cut all her eye lashes. Eventhough she will look kinda weird now it's a small matter since they would grow back in no time.

Faiz had finished with his registration in UiTM. You better do well here man because I used my precious 500 bucks to pay for the fees. The rainy season has certainly arrived. It rained almost every single day. Don't know why but this fasting month I get really sleepy like all the time. My studies is progressing alright at the moment. And with this new desk and work lamp, I have no excuse not to study hard. My finances is okay now but it won't be so soon since there seem so much things I had to buy these days.

28 November 2000

Last Saturday we went to Lina's graduation ceremony at UiTM Shah Alam. Mom arrived rather late in the morning causing her to miss the entry into the hall. So while Grandma get to go in, Mom and I just sat under the tent outside where they set up two big screen TVs with live broadcast of what's happening inside. I guess that would do although I sense Mom wanted to be much closer. I mean this is her children's first ever graduation and your know how parents feel about this things. The entire ceremony was a long one too. Graduations are cool but the waiting is something I could do without. I did all the driving today and both my Mom and Grandma had a field day nagging about my driving. In the end I couldn't take it anymore and maybe deliberately crashed into a road divider near Seremban. Lucky it was just a minor scratch under the bumper. Funny they all just kept quiet after that.

Faiz meanwhile gave up his matriculation program and the declined the offer from Petronas to go into UiTM. Looks like he wants to follow Lina's footstep by taking up a diploma course there. Personally I think my brother made a rather bad call here. Both matriculation and Petronas hold a much brighter future for you. That said, it is his life and his call and I wouldn't want to get in his way. Besides, the rest of my family member didn't seem to object to his decision. Good luck to you bro.

In other news, we started fasting yesterday. Yes it's Ramadhan already. While some people dread this month I on the other hand actually look forward to it. After all, I've been fasting twice a week every Monday and Thursday so it made little difference to me fasting everyday now. Later in the afternoon Grandma called me bearing some bad news. Somehow my Mom accidentally poured some glue into her eyes which she thought was some eye drops. She was immediately rushed to the hospital and thankfully the doctor managed to remove most of the glue. However when she woke up the next morning, she couldn't open her right eye. So here I am back in Sungai Buloh yo send Mom the Selayang hospital tomorrow. Hopefully this time she would get much better. It just breaks my heart to see her like that. I guess this is a test from Him. You know I prayed for my mom and dad after each prayer. You be strong now Mom.

25 November 2000

For most people, birthdays should be a special occasion in their lives. That said, they are some people who just don't care or didn't even remember about birthdays either theirs or their loved ones. As for me, only my Mom and Grandma remembers my birthday. And oh yeah my siblings also of course. Dad and everybody else kinda forgot about it. To be honest I was hoping for H to call me and wish happy birthday or something. Ha ha, we'd sooner send a Malaysian to space! Other than that, Rose also forgot about my birthday. Fancy her wanting to be my girlfriend and everything. Maybe she's busy with some exam or something.

Oh well, my gloominess aside I managed to do something very special yesterday. I went for my first ever blood donation yesterday. Funny when they took my blood pressure the first time it was not high enough. Only on the second take that I passed for donation. That was something. My first blood donation. Too bad I also found out my blood type is just plain O+ not A as I thought all this while. I guess those doctors who took my blood sample in school screwed up then. Well, at least I'm now a generous universal blood donor. Come take my blood. I'm really looking forward to my next blood donation which should be in 3 month's time. I want to fill this tiny red book all the way like my Dad did.

Later I went to the Mines Shopping Fair with a little hope that I might stumble into H and his boyfriend or whatever like I did last year. That didn't happen. Hmm, how do you spell l.o.s.e.r? Damn.

So here I am now in Sungai Buloh at my uncle's place. Grandma and Lina is here too. I better go to sleep right now cause Grandma is incessantly nagging to me like she sometimes does. I don't really want to talk back and hurt her feelings or something so good night.

24 November 2000

20 years ago at exactly this time, I was born. Happy Birthday to me. First and foremost I'd like to thank God for everything. Hmm. That's about it. I slept very early yesterday meaning to wake up at about this time to do something to commemorate my birthday. So I did. I performed solat hajat and then watched Ally McBeal, again. 20 years is quite some thing isn't it? I've learnt a lot since, no doubt about it. I'm almost an adult now and next year I'll be eligible to vote. Not that I cared so much about it anyway. This special day I try not to remember much about H for once. Well, that didn't work. Anyway I'm rather sleepy at the moment but I want to force myself to stay up.

My birthday resolution is to get slimmer. Yeah, right. Who cares anyway. Then again, life is sometimes about caring what other people think because we don't live alone in this world. We need each other to live and love.

I'd really like to go to sleep now but I think I'll write a little bit more. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get married. Come to think of it, that's the beauty of life. You'll never know what you'll be in the future. But remember, the choice is yours and you are responsible for every action. Wait, that sounded kinda lame and normal. I don't want to be normal. I'd like to be different and special. Normal is for mere mortals. Wonder what I would be in 20 years time. Maybe I finally got married with dozens of kids. Now, isn't that lovely. The first class is at 8:00 AM and I am trying very hard not to miss any more classes from now on, no matter how sucky it is. If I sleep now, I'd probably miss the class. So I think I'm gonna smoke a few cigarettes. Yeah-yeah it's dangerous and causes cancer. Shoot me.

23 November 2000

Last week everybody was like very broke and poor and miserable including me. I was the poorest of all since I got like 1 ringgit in my wallet. Even then, that 1 ringgit note is a brand new one and I don't plan on spending it anytime soon. I'm so broke I had to borrow money from Isa and Jai. How embarrassing.

Today however, most of the students walk with a smile on their faces. The loan money is finally in 2 weeks after signing that stupid agreement paper. Let's hope they will spend it wisely. As for me I spent 800 ringgit on the first day, paying off debts and buying some necessary stuffs like a brand new shoes and hair cutter. A few hours ago I bought 3 volumes of Ally McBeal VCDs which was on sale at The Mines. I bought it without thinking twice despite the 87 ringgit price. Calista Flockhart is like my inspiration and motivation. I once was crazy about Drive Me Crazy the movie because of H but now I became obsessed with Calista because of Rose. That is all because she looks a little bit like her. Now that I got the VCDs I can watch her over and over again and not just every Monday on TV. How blissful.

Tomorrow is my 20th birthday. Wonder how many people will remember it. H obviously is not one of them. Anyway my Mom and the entire family is going to Lina's graduation tomorrow. Even though it's just a diplome, I'm still so proud of my sister.

22 November 2000

Roslinda Mohamed or just Rose as she likes to be known was born and raised in Kota Tinggi, Johore. I first met her while doing my matriculation in KIYPJ in Johore Bharu in 1998. Her best friend is Aida of course, you know the girl who used to be crazy about me? Rose is not exactly the prettiest or the best looking girl around but what she lacks in the looks department, she more than made up for it with charm, wit and friendliness. And those were they qualities that kept me in touch with her all this while.

I suppose we are still friends although a very-very close one. I was quite stunned and speechless when she wanted to be serious with me. Even uttered those 3 magic words via SMS. I know that she wasn't kidding about being serious but I'm just afraid I would be yet another guy who would disappoint her in life. To be honest, I don't think I deserve her. She's just too good for me. That's why I made it clear to her that I would like us to be no more than friends and she must not place too much on hope on me. For now I don't think I'm ready to open the door to my heart to just about any girl yet. But who knows later on.

Anyway, us being so far away from each other is another stumbling block that prevents me from accepting her. I don't think long distance-relationships will always work. When even married couples fail in such relationships, what more friends or lovers. I do hope she would find someone better than me soon. You be strong now Rose.

13 November 2000

Before we are to get our loan money, we had to sign this agreement paper thingy. I don't know why but we had to do that like each and every time. So yesterday morning me and my housemates all went together to the main hall. There we were with like half of the student population waiting in line to get their papers signed. But before that we had to get our reference numbers which was posted next door at the administrative building. I was quite lucky because mine was rather easy to find. The others was not so lucky. The crowd was really huge and the place was packed like sardines. Worst of all some of the numbers was torn apart or just went missing in all the commotion. Just imagine.

Back in the main hall, I almost give just looking at the ridiculously long queue. Somehow I braved myself to sneak in up front so instead of waiting for hours, it took me like half an hour to finish. I felt like hugging the boy behind me for being such a sport.

Consequently I got to work half an hour late. Lucky for me I arrived when it was about to rain. Quite a few people didn't turn up for work today so I end up working overtime. Mom just deposited a generous 60 bucks into my account. She is God-send. I hope that would last until I get my loan money. Now is more than ever the time to start saving and eat less.

This week happens to be the start of the semester also. I hope I will do well this time. I simply had to. There's so much at stake.

12 November 2000

Late at night and I just got back from another tiring shift at McDonald's. This time the O.C (whatever that means) visited the store. Nobody likes her this Devi, always looking for people's fault and a few could really satisfy her. Unmarried and devotes everything for McDonald's.

I started working hear on the 21st of March earlier this year. During school term I work exclusively on weekends but on holidays including semester break, I work as many days as I can. The store is quite small compared to other stores I've been to but that also means less work. There are basically 4 job descriptions here; counter, kitchen, lobby and V.I.P a.k.a the janitor or cleaning person. As management positions goes, there are the floor manager, counter manager, shift manager, 1st assistant and the store manager. Your career starts as a crew with the average salary of 3 ringgit per hour depending on store. If you work long enough (with a good evaluation record) you should climb the career ladder and become the crew leader before going into management later on. But of course promotion is only reserved for full timers with part timers like me had to content with that meager 10 cent per year increment. Horrible, I know. Besides, promotion will mean more works and I'm just happy with my current work load and pay as of now.

The crews here are quite alright, friendly and very understanding. I have no problem whatsoever with the older crews but the newer ones could be a pain in the ass. This fat, smelly and dirty boy N for example treats this store like his own. I just can't stand his sight (and smell). Most of the crew here are in their 20s except for the V.I.P, makcik Hasnah who's in her 40s.

Working here has its ups and downs. The managers are quite okay except for sometimes they could be quite bossy, telling you to do this and that. You have 30 minutes break with free meal which is after a months or so could be quite boring. Usually you'll be working for 6 to 8 hours shift not including overtime. So why did I chose Uda Ocean store instead of the others? Well for once the nearest McDonald's to my place didn't have any vacancies at that time. Second my 1st assistant manager here at the store was so awesome to hire me on the spot during my interview. To be honest, I'm so glad I got the job here instead of anywhere else. Who knew how the other place would be like. I mean you could not get a better crew and manager than where I work now. From what I've heard, other stores could be a nightmare with strict managers and lousy crews.

8 November 2000

Today is the beginning of the new semester. I was nervous as hell today when I went to pick up my result. Alhamdulillah I got 2 As, one B+ and another D for SAK 3101. What a relief. Now my pointers are finally back on track. I promise this semester I would study really hard. Got to start early if I don't want to struggle at the last minute like before. It's sad that I don't get to see H yet. Perhaps she'll show up later. I hope she is good whatever she's doing.

The boys are back and most of them have put up weight like I did. The loan money is not in yet so everybody is broke right now. Well I'm sure they're not as broke as I am because they just came back from home. Not unlike me who has to work my ass down everyday and still be broke.

The Sheila On 7 craze is in town. The song 'Dan' is really haunting that I spent some of my precious money to buy the cassette. Although the music is good, the band members looked pretty average if not downright fugly.

Rose's place was broken in to a few days ago. She must be terrified. I hope she's okay now. OMG my tummy is turning into Zaril's!

30 October 2000


Woke up this morning still not feeling well because I'm currently down with fever. Earlier today I received a surprise phone call from Yuhaznel telling me he had settled all his outstanding summonses. Thank God that idiot finally has some sense knocked into his puny brain. So with fever and all, I rushed to the PJ RTD to renew my fricking road tax (finally!). To be honest I'm not really sure whether my application will go through and it's not until the lady at the counter handed over my shiny new road tax that I actually believed. Thank God.

Finally I got my road tax. To say that I'm relieved would be an understatement. Then again I was accustomed to so many disappointment throughout the entire ordeal that I don't have the energy to be merry anymore. Well at least one big problem solve. Never mind the fact that I only have RM200 in my wallet which will be a lot less after I fix my bike later on.

17 October 2000

I just couldn't bare leaving my RXZ bike under the scorching sun and pouring rain anymore so I decided to ride my bike to work, no road tax and all. Besides, my budget is really strained because I had to fork out 3 ringgit for commuter fair and another 50 cent for parking. Thank God I didn't meet any untowardsly incident like being stopped by some police or JPJ road blocks. This month I purposely requested not to do closings because I really don't want to come home late at night.

As for Yuhaznel, he just got back from his super top urgent business trip in Penang and yet he's still very busy to meet me. At least not until later today when we arranged to meet in Padang Jawa. But even if I got his I.C tomorrow, the insurance agent told me I need to go to JPJ in Perak to get the ownership changed which would take from 10 days to three weeks. However she also said I could get it done for a lot less time if I agreed to pay her something extra to bribe the JPJ officers. Yeah right. There's no way in hell I'm going to do that. This is sick. Besides, I don't have much money anyway and I'm even currently living on some 40 cent cream bun diet daily.

6 October 2000

I spent the entire week looking for the idiot Yuhaznel.

So I thought to myself if Ali won't be helping me to settle my problem I guess I just have to help myself. One afternoon, I borrowed Isa's bike and went out to look for Yuhaznel's last known address in Puchong. This place in Taman Bukit Kuchai was not exactly easy to find. I looked high and low for hours before locating the house. To my despair the place is totally deserted and looks like the owners left for quite some time now. Anyway I asked for help from the neighbor next door but the guy looked quite disturbed by my presence and clearly unwilling to help me. So the first day I made little progress in solving my problem.

The next day I visited that house again and as expected it was still empty. I tried to call the next door neighbor meaning to leave him the documents, thinking he could somehow pass it to this Yuhaznel moron. I cried hello a few dozens time but nobody came out. Exasperated and totally dejected, I made my way home but not before the neighbor next to Yuhaznel's neighbor called out to me and asked what's the matter. I quickly explained and this kindly old man offered to show the house of Yuhaznel's in law just a couple of miles away down the street. I guess all hope is not lost after all. Since it was dark already that day I decided to come again the next day.

The next day Isa and I went to the in law's place. This time we were met with the owner's maid who said her boss is not home. I could have swore I saw somebody moving behind the curtains. I was so near this time, I thought there's no way in hell I'm gonna give up now. So we went to IOI Mall nearby to spend some time until 6:00 PM when the in laws were supposed to come home. Finally after 6:00 PM I finally get to meet Yuhaznel's in law who passed me his phone number. I called his number straight away but just my luck he didn't pick up the phone. So I texted him a couple of times explaining my situation hoping that he would someday call me back.

He did call me back but only after like 5 days later. He said he gave the bike to his brother who sold it to the shop without bothering to change the ownership. So I said I needed his IC to change the bike's ownership but he just refused flat out. Said something about his friend being cheated after handing out his IC to somebody. Like hello? I can show you the damn bike myself if you don't believe me? I tried to reason with him, even get my Mom to call him and plead my case but somehow this moron just refused to help me. Unbelievable. I can't believe people like this even existed on this planet. Still he did said he would try to settle his summons so that I can at least renew my road tax. Hearing them I quickly ran to my insurance agent and tried to renew my road tax a few days later. The agent said the same old thing. Cannot, this bike still blacklisted. By this time I don't care anymore. The moron said he will get back to me after he returns from his business trip in Penang. Yeah whatever.

Despite all the disappointment with my bike, I returned back to work at McDonald's Uda Ocean today. Saw some new faces at the store including this new store manager. That said, the same old familiar faces are still here including Eyta, Alina, Abang Sudin and Samsiah. I tried to work for as many hours as possible now since I really needed the money. Once or twice I did opening shift right until closing.

At this moment I'm spending my day off almost alone at the house. Only Pok Li and Pendi are with me. Pok Li is doing some part time job in Klang or Damansara or something. Pendi just showed up this evening out of nowhere. I must say it was quite peaceful right now at home. Times like this it would be awesome if I had a girlfriend...

17 September 2000

After days of listening to this ad on radio, I was lured to go this friendly soccer match between Apo..Ujang and Radio Reddifusion/RFM. The ticket alone cost 2 ringgit and I lost another 2 when they told me I can't bring my helmet into the stadium and store it in their locker instead. When I finally got in, it felt really awkward cause I was all alone and everybody else was like with their friends or family. My mates were all too lazy to come so that's why I became a lone ranger today.

Anyway I got a set right next to the field. The match didn't start until an hour later and they played in the pouring rain. Attendance was really poor and the stadium wasn't even a quarter full. The main reason I went there in the first place is to get to know the faces behind Ujang...Apo and RFM because I read the magazines and listen to their station like all the time. I didn't actually get to see their faces very clearly from where I sat but at least I got the free magazines that they promised. I left before halftime. To be honest I totally regret even going there. Felt like I wasted 4 ringgit for nothing but old copies of their magazines.

Several days ago I got Yuhaznel's phone number from the Internet. Yuhaznel who? Oh he's the idiot owner of my bike who didn't change his ownership of the bike and got a shitload of summons causing my bike to be blacklisted. He was also the reason I can't go to work since my road tax expired already. Anyway I called him for like a few billion time but nobody picked up the phone. Either he is deaf or he purposely didn't pick it up. I pray that it's the former. Sometimes I felt like cursing my like and also the idiot. But then again who's the impatient idiot who bought the bike in the first place without checking the documents?

2 September 2000

I just sat for my repeat C++ paper this morning. If you think ACCA or bar exam is difficult, they are nothing compared to my C++ paper today. Two days ago Rose and her family came down to KL to visit some relatives here. So in the evening while they were at this fun fair opposite The Mines, Rose asked me to come along to meet her. I was like, are you crazy? There's no way I'm gonna meet the parent and brothers and family this soon! That said, I did go in the end after much thought. So I went there and met her parent and everybody. Although I was quite happy to see her it was an all round awkward meeting. We didn't even get to talk much since everybody was like looking at me like a hawk. Maybe they're afraid I would try something funny like hold her hand while walking or something. Right. Fortunately for me the meeting was quite brief. Later that night Rose told me I was the first guy ever who dared to meet his parent and family. She was never allowed to have boyfriends more so relationships with any one before this. I don't know whether to be flattered or freak out. I mean I still don't know where this thing between Rose and I are going, you know. And what about H? Who knows she might run back into my arms tomorrow? That will be really awkward (ha ha you wish!)

Talk about H, I finally get to see her this morning. She looked just as stunning as always. And as usual she totally ignored me like I didn't exist. I don't know why I even bother hoping. It's like wishing for the impossible. Perhaps there is such thing as impossible in this world after all.

Anyway I my buddies and I went to Shah Alam on Independence Day eve you know, to celebrate Merdeka. It was a complete waste of time. I mean there's this little stage where somebody was singing and then a couple thousand people wandering aimlessly around. So boring.

26 August 2000

This is the season to study. Well I better be when my last semester's GPA is 1.2 and my CGPA is 2.0 flat. I have been studying almost every night and morning, mostly for the management subject. I think my average sleeping time for the last two weeks or so had been at 7:00 AM. Twice I didn't sleep at all the whole day. Perhaps it's insomnia. But since I used my sleep deprivation to study I think it's alright. The nearest exam is on the 2nd of next month so I got like less than a week to study.

Still haven't resolved my road tax problem. I heard the previous owner is trying to locate the name on the grant. I hope he puts all his effort and that. Unless I got that problem settled, I can't go to work and earn some money and then I won't worry so much about where my next meal will come from. Right now I dare not venture more than 500 yards from my house, afraid that a road block might be just around the corner. It is no fun I tell you riding in constant fear.

Once upon a time I was this fat, chubby and unattractive boy. I was like that until about 9 months ago when somebody broke my heart and then I started to lose my appetite and my weight dramatically. From 75 kilos I lose some 18 kilos to 57 only. Perhaps this is the silver lining from that tragedy. If H didn't dump me in the first place, I wouldn't care less about how I looked. Now it all changed. I guess I can thank her for that.

14 August 2000

Spent most of my time in my faculty's lab downloading mp3 files. Thanks to Splitter and Split File program I managed to download and transfer about 40 songs from the Internet into my computer at home. All that using 10 floppy disks. Amazing, I know. Sneaker net at its best. But then at this rate I worry that my hard drive would be filled in no time.

Still couldn't resolve my road tax problem. The previous owner who sold me the bike said he can arrange for my road tax to be renewed using an inside help but somehow I have no faith in his promise. My only solution is to find the man whose name is on the grant. I hope he will get the post card that I sent him, somehow. If all fail, I'll be riding my ABE RX-Z with an expired road tax very for the rest of my life.

In other news, 2 days ago I bought myself this uber cool Altec Lansing sub-woofer for a cool price of RM260. Got the money from this kutu thing I've been playing since the beginning of the semester. But now I don't have enough money to renew my road tax, not to mention survive until the end of the month. Looks like its time to call for reinforcement (if you know what I mean). I know I shouldn't have bought that really expensive speaker but then I would have a hard time sleeping at night. The urge was just to strong.

I have not reported back to my part time job at McDonald's. You know with the latest development and all especially the road tax issue. My financial situation is getting dire by the minute. Obviously I need to figure out something to overcome this. But come to think of it, the only way I'm getting any work or money is using my bike which won't be rideable real soon. Maybe I should commute to work every weekend. What a hassle. You know I don't have the guts to ride my bike without a road tax. Getting summoned for 300 ringgit is just not worth it. Maybe I can borrow Isa's bike again? But even if he did let me borrow it, what happens when he uses it to go back home during weekends or whatever? My only permanent solution to this whole mess it to get my road tax renewed at all costs. Something which I have no idea how to at the moment.

Even though I spent most of day time downloading mp3s and music, I did spend most of my evening and night studying. No need to remind me that I'm so left behind at the moment. Besides H has got dean list some more, I should be ashamed of my under-achievement. Maybe I should make that my motivation. Well. However all this sleeping late at night got me into some kind of sleeping disorder. Aside from eating disorder, mental disorder, emotion disorder, financial disorder and smoking disorder, I now have sleeping disorder. Great.

Aside from that, I got news that Faiz finally got himself admitted into that Petronas program. Congrats bro! I always know you can do it. That silly boy must be jumping with joy right now. You know he never loses hope on getting into that program although he already registered into the matriculation program. So now he got it. Just don't mess it up so soon like I did brother.

23 January 2011

I wish I had known what I did wrong. I don't smoke, go out to night clubs or disco, visit message parlors or brothels or hang out with friends late after hours. Every day after work I come straight home after picking her up and the kids. I occasionally help her in the kitchen and clean up the house every other week. After work, every single minute of my life is spent with and for the family. Although I can't afford to give her much, whatever extra I have I always thought of contributing to the family. I took my family sightseeing around town once in a while. I don't even mind sending her to office 5 days a week, 6 or 7 when she has to do over time. Not once did I complain because I know it's my responsibility. In fact I can't remember not doing anything that she asked me to do as long as it is within my means.

I don't have any other girl or woman beside her. Honest. Sure I have girl friends at work and everywhere else. But they're just friends, nothing more. If chatting online a couple time a month with an old flame that had pretty much blown out a long time ago and has zero possibility of rekindling again constitute as a crime then I guess I'm guilty. I'm far from perfect and I have so many defects and shortcomings. I am only human after all. So is she. I accepted her for all she is, her flaws as well as her strength. I took her arms and decided to be with her for the rest of my life and made her the mother of my child purely and solely out of love, never anything else. That's all she needs to know. And one more thing, don't you ever ask me to break up this family for that single reason you hated me right now. It's not going to happen, ever. The day I leave will be the day you don't love me anymore and when you have thought long and hard about the kid's future.

27 July 2000

Got a worrying phone call from Mom yesterday saying that Grandma is not feeling well at the moment. She's having some difficulty breathing. I hope she gets better soon.

It is life as usual here in UPM. There's this new parking rule where we can't park at many places that we're allowed to park before. Now we can only park at the designated places or have our vehicles clamped. So troublesome. Had to work 200 meters just to go to class. Imagine if it rains or worse on a really hot day! Then again SOMEBODY is quite happy with this new rule. Saw her walking and smiling hand in hand with that guy at the parking lot the other. Bleh.

Found out I've got tons of assignment, books to read and a website to finish at the moment.

26 July 2000

It was the accident that changed my life (and my teeth) forever. It was the end of the semester and most of my mates had already gone home or planned to go back to their hometowns. Some of my housemates were coercing me to join them to ride the back home, something which I've never done before. My Mom and Grandma were totally against of the idea but somehow maybe because of peer-pressure I decided to go along.

I remember clearly it was a fine Saturday morning 15th of July 2000. We started early in the morning which was freezing cold riding on the bike. I was like shivering my timbers all the way to Raub. Things were going fine though, we were riding not very fast but me, I was swerving left and right dangerously through the long and winding road to Kelantan. Somewhere about 100 kilometers to Gua Musang, somehow I lost control of my bike and crashed into the roadside. I don't know exactly why I crashed. Maybe it was the steep hill, maybe it was a fast corner. One thing I remembered was getting up from the ground with my mouth full of blood and checking my bike. I thought I was the only one who rode straight into the hill but it turned out my friend Zul also suffered the same fate.

Since I was still strong enough to get on my bike, I rode for the remaining 100 kilometers to the Gua Musang hospital. Zul on the other hand fractured his right arm and had to hitchhike on a pickup truck to get there. I got 4 stiches on my chin and of course the usual bruise and wounds everywhere. I suppose my face hit the ground really hard because the pain on my gum is killing me. I'm afraid I'm going to lose a couple of my teeth forever. All the while I was at the hospital I kept thinking not of my  Mom or family but of who else, that H girl. Silly me.

From Gua Musang both Zul and I took a trip with an ambulance to the Kota Bharu General Hospital. It was my first ambulance ride ever, but it's definitely something I'm eager to try again. Zul had a piece of metal inserted into his broken arm while I was told to come back the next day for some dental checkup. I called my family in Pasir Mas and naturally they were really shocked at hearing the news. Well who wouldn't? At least I'm still alive and didn't become a statistic. Mom came to pick me up and back home I started to feel to full force of the crash. My body was aching all over not to mention my teeth. Sometimes I wished I could trade Zul's broken arm with mine. At least his bones can grow back. Grandma treated my wounds and bruises with so much love and tenderness and I was deeply touched and moved by her kindness. I must never forget all that she has done for me.

The next day Mom had to attend some conference in KL so it was Uncle Nan and Aunt Yati who took me to Kota Bharu for my follow-up check. At the hospital, the doctor confirmed that they would have to take out one of my front teeth and said I would need to see a specialist to re-arranged my damaged lower teeth.

This holiday, I spent most of my time at home, obviously. Needless to say at was bored to near death sitting at home doing nothing. Later that month Grandma took me to see a masseur to get my left leg fixed since it was aching pretty badly. From now on I will be known as the guy with the front tooth missing. Tell me how am I supposed to face the world looking like this? Dentures is simply out of the question because I would hate to wear them. It's a real hassle and the upkeep would be torture. I guess I'll just bare it all out. I'm sure not everybody would judge me from the way I look. It's the inside that counts. Wonder how H would react when she sees me like this. Oh don't tell me, I know - she won't care ha ha!

My friends Rose and Zetty Nadia was full of sympathy for my plight. Rose even bought herself an ADAM 017 prepaid number so that she can call and text me more. She even said "I love you" to me a couple of times which really freaked me out and I didn't reply because I don't really feel the same way towards here. It wouldn't be fair to her since my heart belongs to somebody else. This so wrong. A couple of months back I told her that if she wanted to be my girlfriend she had to fill in an application letter first and send it out to me. And guess what? She really did and now I've got this cute little girl whose crazy over me. Wait till she sees my ugly new face. Perhaps she would change her mind if she did.

In another development I'm currently riding around my bike with an expired road tax. The previous owner had a few summons and his name was blacklisted so I cannot renew my road tax until he pays up or we officially change the bike's ownership. The problem is I had no idea where this guy lives or how to get in touch with him. So until I do, I am literally breaking the law everyday. Pray that nobody would stop me in the middle of the road or something.

I spent nearly 150 ringgit fixing my bike and also buying a brand new helmet. Thankfully Yus, my housemate said I don't need to pay the transportation fees to get my bike here until the end of the month. Yus, you are a very good person.

11 July 2000

It's been a long time. I shouldn't have abandoned you my dear journal. Actually I twisted my right arm while I was asleep and it took quite some time to recover. It was not a very pleasant experience at all I tell you. I cannot use my hand properly, cannot life anything heavy or do too much hard work. The worst thing is I can't pull my bike's brake properly thus resulting in this minor accident where I bumped into somebody's car from behind. Lucky for me there was no visible damage and the guy just let me go scott free. Now who's gonna pay for my broken left signal beam?

These past few weeks I felt I've been getting rather close with Zetty Nadia. Too close for my comfort. I tried my best no to get to friendly with her cause you now I don't want her to be Tini part 2. Once is enough. Plus I finally saw her face for the first time some time back and let just say that she was not what I had expected.

Rose and I on the other hand, I felt we got this chemistry going on between us. After she got my number, she's been calling me like every week without fail. Plus from the tone of her voice I can feel that she wanted us to be more than just friends (or is it just my imagination?). I always thought she was like a really good and close friend to me and suddenly she wanted to be serious. What should I do? I didn't have the heart to let her down. Maybe I just play along with her. Besides she does looks like my all time favorite TV character at the moment. Who else but Ally McBeal/Calista Flockhart. Isn't she like the cutest thing ever?

I sat for my first exam paper 3 days ago. Out of 4 questions I only managed to answer 1. Guess who is going to repeat this paper next semester?

11 June 2000

I finally started seeing H in class again. But the expression she gave me everytime it's like I killed her favorite cat or something. Wonder what I have done to deserve this. Maybe that's it. I have not done enough. I was not good enough. Once I rode past her really fast and close I bet she jumped out of her skin with fright. She'll probably hate me more after this. Well. I promise I won't do it again.

Everybody was at home tonight doing nothing much except lazing around, playing games and generally wasting their time. Suddenly the boys were calling my name asking if I dared to race my newly modified up bike at the highway up front. Thinking maybe my bike is up for the task, I quickly agreed. This is the time I'll test my new exhaust. So at the beginning of the race my heart was beating like crazy and my legs were literally shaking. But there's no turning back now. It's the highway or bust. And the race begin. My bike was never that quick really. I was constantly either 2nd or last with the other 2 way up front. In the end my bike gave up on me and stalled halfway through the race. Yep I have gloriously damaged my engine. To call me a complete idiot would be the understatement of the year.

Later that night I sat in my room sad and remorseful thinking of my broken bike. Zetty Nadia this new girl I've been texting me tried to console me with her kind words. Although I barely know her and I haven't even seen her face somehow I felt quite connected to her. Maybe this is a start of a beautiful relationship, maybe I'm just kidding myself haw haw. But one thing for sure, tomorrow my wallet and bank account will be considerably lighter thanks to my stupidity. My engine will need at least an overhaul no doubt about it.

4 June 2006

Mom and my brother Faiz came by yesterday. Dad came to pick me up in the afternoon. He suggested that I join this company who will pay people to answer surveys for them. For RM25.00 an hour that sounded quite good. Who doesn't like 25 ringgit an hour? I'm really interested with this survey thing. So Dad, Faiz and I spent the afternoon sightseeing around KL today. Afterward I brought Faiz home and let him stay overnight at my place. I brought him to the Mines tonight cause he wanted to buy some pants. Early next morning I took Faiz for a grand tour of UPM before taking him to Uncle Dib's house in Sungai Buloh.

This evening you can hear shouts of joy and laughter from my housemates. Obviously their loan money has just come in. Little that they realize that they'll be paying for that for the next 10 years or so, if they got a good job. Me I'm not so thrilled with the news simply because I had to pay back Isa and Zul's money which is about RM1150. Yesterday I spent another RM115 on my bike and soon I will need to replace my dreadful rims. So you see while everybody is delighted with the news, I looked indiferent because I've got a whole load shit to pay. Poor me.

Right about now I'm starting to feel sad seeing H with somebody else. Not much I can do about it right now. No use wallowing in self pity. Life must go on.

1 June 2000

The first day of the semester went by without any incidents. I went to get my results fully knowing that I have failed 2 subjects. Waited for H in the morning but she never showed up. I returned in the afternoon and there she was walking together-gether with this boy like this perfect loving couple. Now why was I not surprised. So much for a great semester beginning. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm happy as long as she's happy. Right.

My wages finally came in albeit a day late. So now I am a proud owner of an underwater Sony Ericsson PF 768 which I got from the tax-free carnival at Bukit Jalil. The phone costs RM410.00 plus another 50 ringgit for the ADAM prepaid sim pack. Later on I found that my friend Zaharil dropped the 50 ringgit sim pack somewhere in Bukit Jalil so there go 50 ringgit down the drain. Don't know why I let him hold on to that in the first place. So the next day I had to buy another new sim pack. Basically I spent a hundred ringgit just for sim packs only. You a**hole Zaharil.

Syam just got himself a brand new RX-Z bike.

29 May 2000

Alhamdulillah. After waiting almost 7 months for a new tank for my bike I finally got it today. Although not brand new or perfect at least it's better than my current crooked tank. Yesterday also happens to be my last day working anytime any day at the store. After this I'll be working on weekends only. Of course I won't be working during the examination period. This semester is the no play-play semester. I've got H and the rest of my friends to impress, remember?

More than half of my housemate had returned here as of now. I felt good to be together again after a while. Right about now I'm feeling quite excited and also anxious all mixed together as I wait for tomorrow morning to arrive. My exam results will be out tomorrow but more importantly that would be the time I can lay my eyes on her again. Rumors has it that students with CGPA lower than 2.5 will have to attend a motivation session first before their result is released. If that's true I'm quite positive that I would be one of them. Sure I got 2.9 during my first semester but that was then. After I flunked a few subjects last time, my GPA must be at an all time low right now.

Other than that words on the street is our loan money might be in as well today. I hope that one is more reliable. I just wanna pay off all my debts which has amounted to RM1200.00 at the moment. One thing for sure though, my part time wages will be in later today. PF 768 here I come!

Wonder what she's doing right now.

24 May 2000

Went to watch Erin Brokovich with Jai the other day at Midvalley. It costs me a whooping 5 ringgit and I didn't even get to see the movie until it finishes. Halfway through the movie, it was already 7:25 PM and we decided to leave and pray first before time runs out. Call it dreadful timing.

So here I am sitting in the lab listening to some tunes over the Internet. Back home in Taman Desa Serdang I got the big house all to myself since everybody had gone back to their respective hometowns. So you see I'm like super-duper bored right now. Thank God for things such as this lab for keeping my sanity intact.

There's this Floor Manager at the store that I didn't like much. But last night he surprised us all by buying us supper after work. That's why my friends you can judge the burger by it's wrapper. Of course Tan still likes to order me around the store. But one time when I took home some Happy Meal toys, he just close one eye on me. Good old chap.

Still undecided whether I should go to Sungai Buloh today. Perhaps I shall go there later. Asta.

18 May 2000

Yesterday I arranged to meet Dad meaning to ask him for some support to replace some spare parts for my bike. Instead I found out he is now jobless, again. As the story goes, he started this new business venture with 2 of his former classmates. First the business started pretty well but soon his 'friends' got kinda greedy and forgot to pay my Dad his part of the profit. Some friends. Fortunately for him his computer EPF withdrawal money is finally in so he's like not totally broke or anything.

Later that night Ali told me my bike's spare parts is almost ready for collection. The good news is he managed to get them really cheap (wink-wink) so I only had to pay like 50 bucks. So in a week or so my bike will be getting some serious makeover and will look awesome again. Can't wait for that to happen. So now I suddenly got some extra cash in hand, I decided to use them on some new jeans. Maybe my dream of owning PF 768 may become a reality after all. Just have to keep my fingers crossed and pray that nothing bad happens until the end of the month. Amen.

14 May 2000

Sunday 11:04 AM

By the time you read this, I have arrived safe and sound here in Taman Desa Serdang. Here are the events of the past few days...

Wednesday evening.
Arrived at the KL railway station about half an hour before departure. I sat next to two strangers on the train this time but I was so tired, sleepy and hungry that I slept most of the time.

Thursday morning.
It's great to be able to listen to the Perfect 10 radio station again. As usual I took the two buses to Bukit Saujana. Sure enough, Rose and Aida were absolutely delighted to see me again and really surprised to see the new skinny me. After some greet and chat we decided to go downtown and our first stop was the newly finish JB City Square.

Thursday afternoon.
They two girls bought me lunch at Komtar. Then we visited Malaysia's premier counterfeit CD center at Holiday Plaza as requested by me. My visit to JB would not be complete without visiting that place. I bought myself a MP3 cd compilation for 5 ringgit. The prices has gone down since I my last visit some years back. By this time I only have RM5.00 in my pocket.

Thursday evening.
Aida and Rose also treated me to the movies. I could never pay for their generosity. We watched Mission to Mars which was quite good actually. At last it was time for as to part. I was literally speechless after all they have done for me. Rose just waved goodbye to me at the Bukit Saujana bus stop. Aida accompanied me all the way to the Larkin bus station, paying the bus fare for me along the way. Come to think of it, the girls paid for everything the whole time I was there. How embarrassing. From Larkin I took the bus home to Pasir Mas.

As you can see, the girls were super nice to me especially Aida. I'm sure she won't forget how I badly I treated her last time. In fact the last time we met I actually dumped her, over the phone. As cruel as that sound, it was for your own good. You deserve someone a lot better than me. Found out later there planned reunion was cancelled or something. Not that it matters much to me. I had such a good time in JB that it doesn't matter if I'm going to be bored to death at home soon anymore.

On my way back to Serdang I sat on the train next to this sweet UIA girls a few years my senior. So we talked about 2 hours or so about the weather, the sun and the moon, pretty much everything until I got tired of talking. Anyway I don't feel like talking to just about any girls right now especially after H. Later we parted ways at the Kajang station. I seriously thought she looked like she was about to wave me goodbye at the station. Maybe it was just a figment of my imagination. Oh what the heck, as I said before, I'm just not interested in girls right now (wow I can't believe I said that!).

Fortunately for me I didn't have to go to work until 4:00 PM. So I've got like a few hours to rest (sleep) until then. Bye-bye.

10 May 2000

12:59 AM
Yesterday was my day off, again. I think I had too many day off this month. That can only mean my wages at the end of the month will be so puny. I went to watch another movie, this time at IOI Mall Puchong together with Apai. Remind me not to let him choose another movie again. He chose to watch Revenge of the Bloody Komodo Dragon of all movies there. As I feared that movie sucked big time. Later we stop by Sunway Pyramid to shop some windows. Actually I wanted to see this Web Store by Intel which was nothing more than a glorified cyber cafe really. I'll be leaving for Johore Bharu tonight. Rose sounded very excited to hear me coming. She even applied for a day off just for me. Hmm.

8:23 PM
2 hours to go until the train departs. Actually I was still deliberating whether to go there or just go home but after hearing Rose' shriek of joy and laughter over the phone I quickly made up my mind to go after all. Naturally Mom and my family don't have a clue I'm going there. I don't intend to be bombarded with some awkward questions from them. So this is a secret between you, me and my housemates okay?

5 May 2000

Woke up yesterday morning feeling quite feverish and hot. Still I waited until about 15 minutes from my clock in time to call in sick for work. A lot of people must be disappointed with me today. Visited UPM Health Center meaning to get a sick leave but to my despair the place was closed for two days starting yesterday. So I went to Seri Serdang instead and rented a couple more VCDs. Then I rode straight to Sungai Buloh some 46 kilometers away to Uncle Dib's place. I needed to do my laundry real bad.

Later on I felt slightly better. Just finished watching The Cidar House Rules. For an oscar-winning film it was truly a snore-fest. Next I watched Next Best Thing. Suzie from Galaxie Magazine was correct about this one. This movie sucks, hard. Now I think I wasted some good money renting those junk. Just because they're oscar-nominated doesn't mean they're good. I won't be renting any more films in the near future.

My sister Lina was offered a job as a part time teacher back home in Kelantan. Good luck to you sis. I can never imagine myself being a teacher of any kind. Just the thought of it sends shiver down my spine.

My store manager granted me 3 days leave for next week. I am really looking forward to going home this time. Remember when I said I hated being home in Pasir Mas? I totally take that back now. The problem is whether I should detour to JB first since I only have 54 ringgit in my pocket. And forget about buying me a handphone. That looks like a distance dream right now.

Sazali (Ali) brought some asshole friend into my room tonight to watch some VCDs (probably porn). I didn't bother waiting so I decided to sleep downstairs instead. The time now is almost 4:00 AM and I'm supposed to get to work in about 4 houts. As you can see I'm having very little sleep nowadays.

4 May 2000

At last I finally found the battery charger, not at Midvalley but just 2 floors upstairs at Uda Ocean departmental store. Me and my buddy Azizan (Jai) had dinner at Marrybrown. The food is okay but still a long way from KFC. Then we went to Midvalley to catch a movie. I got this discount card which entitles me a buy one free one ticket so we only paid like one ticket tonight. While waiting for the movie to start, Jai suddenly treated me with McDonald's like he always does.

Tonight we watched Romie must die statting Jet Li and Aaliyah. I don't like Hong Kong movie much but this one is okaylah. Besides, it's made in Hollywood. With 18 screens, the GSC at Midvalley boasts being the larger cinema in Asia. I've never been anywhere much but one thing for sure, their popcorn is the best in town. Afterward I stopped by the video store to rent a VCD. I always wanted to see Girl, Interrupted and now I did. Angelina Jolie was awesome in this movie. She looked totally hot even with her hair short.

Okay this cold I'm having is officially a pain in the ass. I'm sneezing and blowing my nose like every 5 minutes. I'm thinking of getting a sick leave tomorrow but you know how it is with doctors. They'll just say I have a cold not a fever thus no M.C for me. They have no idea the suffering I had to go through everytime. Especially since I happens to catch a cold every month or so.

Well maybe I might just get better in the morning.

3 May 2000

Got my first wages from working here at McDonald's yesterday. Today could have been swell if not for this terrible cold I'm having. This is a product of riding in the pouring rain for 2 days straight. Can't wait for the new semester to begin. Then I'll only be working on weekends.

Took out my money from Maybank today. Ah the sweet smell of crispy new 50 ringgit notes. From the 400 hundred that I withdraw today, 150 goes out to Jai for fixing his bike that I utterly and completely destroyed in that accident. How I wish that never happened. Note to self: I still owe Jai another 50 bucks. That also means my dream of getting my first hand phone is disappearing by the minute. Perhaps I could still be a cheap one from Uncle Din.

Saw two new faces at the store today. The first was a new Floor Manager from goodness where and the other is a Crew Leader from Tun Perak store. She kept yakking about how nice her old store was and yet she asked to be transfered here. Duh. Still I must admit from the stories she told us, her old store sounds like paradise compared to ours. Whatever.

I went to Suria KLCC later on meaning to find a battery charger. Fancy that humongous 88 story building doesn't sell a single battery charger. I didn't hang around there for long and went straight home. God this runny nose and cold is really killing me. Tomorrow I'm thinking of visiting Midvalley Megamall. They did boast about being the largest mall in the Klang Valley. Surely they've got a bloody Ni-Cd battery charger somewhere.

25 April 2000

Al Fatihah...

In memory of Mohd Faizal who passed away a few days ago. May his soul rests in peace.

Last night while I was doing my usual closing duties at the back sink, suddenly I heard this commotion at the front lobby. When I went up front to learn more I heard that one of my colleague Faizal met with an accident and died. I've heard he met with an accident some time back, I have no idea it was that serious. So later that night we all went to the Kuala Lumpur General Hospital to see him for the very last time. This is probably the second time I have ever seen a dead body in my life. The first time was when my great grandmother passed away eight years ago. All the girls was like crying when they saw him. Well, I didn't. Perhaps I didn't get to know him that well. It felt like it was just yesterday I talked to him at the corridor. Before you know it, he's gone today. Made you realize nothing is certain in life. You might be here today and you may well be gone tomorrow.

Okay enough of the sad news. The good news is, my manager had calculated my wages yesterday and they came to about RM600.00 nett. Oh what joy! Now my dream of owning an Ericsson PF 768 hand phone will finally become a reality. But of course that's not until next month. Dad finally got his computer EPF withdrawal approved. He'll be receiving the money in about 3 weeks time. Maybe I should ask him for some money to get an extra RAM. We'll see.

19 April 2000

Man am I broke or what. I got exactly RM24.40 in my wallet until my first pay day. I'm not too worried about hunger cause you know I've got this 3 inch of fat on my chest, stomach and fat ass not to mention my daily free meal at the store. So why the worry? Oh I'm just afraid that something unexpected might suddenly came up like a flat tyre or something and I had to use all my remaining treasure trove. You think I should stop smoking? Besides all of the people that I love doesn't smoke like my Mom, Grandma, Britney Spears, you-know-who. Okay Dad is an exception. Right. In spite of the fact that buying cigarettes is bleeding me money, I don't think I can stop right about now. Think of all the money I could have saved. Should be billions by now.

I came home this morning to find my PC sprinkled with water. No I didn't accidentally turn the sprinklers on (we don't even have sprinklers!) but this genius here forgot to close the windows. Despite my love-hate relation with rain, I still loves them mostly. I hope my laptop is still functioning.

14 April 2000

My day off finally. I've been working so hard that I felt like my previous day off was just yesterday. I woke up around 2:00 PM and went to the lab to what else, surf the Internet. Now that I'm a working class my, got to make the most of my free time. Feels goo to get to listen to Perfect 10 again. I once considered it to be the best radio station in the entire universe. Too bad the only chance I get to listen to them these days is on the Internet meaning not much anymore. Today I just listen to sHitz FM.

I called Roslinda yesterday evening. She was some girl I met while studying in Johore Bharu. She also happens to be Aida's BFF. Remember Aida? The girl who fell head over heel for me and I treated her like sHitz FM? I still remember vividly the first time I met her at the KIJ canteen. Back then I thought she was Aida and Aida was her, know what I mean? Call me slow but I took me a couple of months to realise that. Funny how we still keep in touch after all this time. I got another on of her letters a few days back along with a photograph of her. She's got this really long hair that looks not unlike a pontianak. Suddenly made me eager to see her again although that is not possible at the moment.

Here's the plan: Before my high school reunion next month, I'll grab a train ticket to JB first and meet her there. How's that for a plan? Then I would surprise her with my brand new look. Hell, I bet quite a number of people will be surprised to see me.

Still debating whether I should get a new mobile phone next month. If only they cost as little as an Apple Pie or strawberry Sundae but alas they don't. We'll just wait and see. Perhaps I ought to get a cheap second hand phone from Wan Mohd Yunus. See how Mom reacts to that. I'm sure Grandma would not be too thrilled.

10 April 2000

My old classmates from SM Sains Machang is planning this reunion next month for class of 97. I think I'm gonna go for that since this is my only chance to get back home to Pasir Mas before the Hari Raya holidays. Dad came by yesterday saying something about withdrawing his EPF savings to fix his computer and also to buy a house. Whatever makes you happy Dad.

Got my SAK 3101 results the other day and as expected I failed miserably. I should like really study seriously from now on and make sure I don't fail again. Right. I wonder what will my lecturer's reaction be when she finds out about this. Obviously Mom and Dad must never know about this. They will be very heartbroken and disappointed if they do. Especially when there's more where that came from!

3 April 2000

It's been raining every single day here. As much as I love the rain, riding around under the pouring rain and getting soaked wet in the process is definitely no fun. It's work as usual at McDonald's. So far I've been stuck in the kitchen. No chance to be stationed at the counter yet. Meeting people, communicating is no big deal for me. However handling the cash register does have it risks, i.e money shortages. I don't fancy having my wages cut for shortages at the end of the month. I've been there before working at Caltex in Pasir Mas. It's not something I'd like to repeat ever.

There's this girl at the store who I think she likes me. I jokingly asked her to give me a treat after pay day and guess what? She did! I hope she didn't treat me seriously. After Tini I have this aversion to not so attractive girls (ha ha bite me). I'd love to have those free Happy Meals but I don't want her to be Tini part 2. Nope, never again. Besides I have my eyes on this interesting girl named Fila in the store. She wore her hair short and yet she's like super-friendly with me and everyone. Charming as she is, somehow I don't feel like she's my type. After my world crumbled because of you-know-who, I don't think anyone can do. That's the problem.

27 March 2000

Before you know it, it's already a week now since I started working here at this store. Tiring would be an understatement. But that's work. If your work is not tiring that's called slacking. Obviously I have a lot to learn here. Sometimes I got a scolding for doing something wrong like the time I found out eating while working is a big no-no even-though that burger was from my lunch break. But as I said I'm still learning so expect me to make mistakes. Now I know for sure that most of my co-workers here are way younger than me. If I started working here way back, I would have been a manager right now. But then I had to forget UPM and H.

A few days back while filling up gas at the Petronas station at UPM the get at the counter give me back 47 ringgit extra. Somehow I didn't return the money but for the next 5 days I had this HUGE dilemma/debate in my head. Return or spend. But since I am badly in need of a new shoes for work, I end up buying one instead. My current Bata leather shoe is totally wrong my job. I simply had to get a new one. Yes I know I did something terrible and I am not proud of it.

23 March 2000

Today was my first day working at McDonald's store number 039 known as Uda Ocean. After filling up some forms, I was briefed by several of my new co-workers. Half of them are way younger than me. I worked at the kitchen, specifically the grill area making beefburgers, cheeseburgers, Big Mac and McEggs. They're like so easy I think I'll master doing them all by tomorrow. For my first meal break here I had some Fillet-o-fish, a pineapple pie, Milo and fries. About 6 hours later I returned home, dead tired naturally.

22 March 2000

3:54 PM
Here I am stuck inside Amcorp Mall waiting for the rain to stop. The reason I'm here in the first place was for the interview about an hour ago of which I can say a total failure. Obviously they don't want a part timer there. Then WTF do they call me in for an interview in the first place when I clearly state I'm looking for part time job? Oh well at least I still got that interview at Dayabumi tomorrow. Hope that one will turn out better than today.

6:55 PM
Beautiful rainy evening. As I was making my way to Dayabumi, I stopped by another McDonald's store next to Uda Ocean shopping mall. I thought I would just fill up the application form and leave. To my surprise, the kindly manager Mr Samsudin held an impromptu interview with me right there and then. He asked me a bunch of questions and in the end he asked when can I start! I was like right away if you don't mind. Of course I said tomorrow. So tomorrow will be my first day at my dream part time job. Wish me luck!

21 March 2010

Yesterday was my big day out hunting for jobs. I went to 5 McDonald's outlet around town. The first one was only 4 kilometers away at The Mines Shopping Fair. The nice little manager there (Siti) said that the place is swarmed with inquiries especially from UPM students like me meaning that I have slim or little chance of getting a job there. Next stop was the Kajang store. Same nice manager but no hope either.

While I was heading to KL somehow I detoured to PJ instead and found myself at this store inside Wisma Thrifty. The manager there asked me all sorts of question which should be a good sign. Towards the end I found out she was also from UPM so that's quite promising. She said to come back tomorrow for an interview (woot!).

As it was already dark and I haven't eaten anything yet the entire day, I stopped by the Dayabumi building right in the middle of the city meaning to eat something. I was surprised to find the entire building completely deserted. I guess after KLCC nobody wanted to come here anymore huh. Perhaps they should turn this place into a museum or something. I did found the Dayabumi McDonald's in the end hidden at one corner of the building. Thank God. I thought I'll never get to use this Privilege Card which entitles one free sundae or apple pie with every 5 ringgit or more purchase. After dinner I asked them for an application form and right after I returned them, the elderly store manager asked me to come back tomorrow for yet another interview. So now it's 2 prospective employment in one day!

19 March 2000

One place I would like to visit the most while in Penang is none other than Batu Feringgi. Guess what? I went there yesterday. Although we stopped there like an hour or so it was still worth it. Lina and I returned home with slightly more money in our pockets today thanks to several of our relatives who were kind enough to hand us a couple of bucks. I can't thank them enough.

The bus ride home was not exactly fun. I was very lucky to sit next to this big, smelly guy. I have no problem with fatty tissue but the smell is simply murder. I was afraid my nose couldn't smell anymore after today. Stuck in a traffic jam for a while on the highway because some bus overturned. Of course we had to slow down to watch. It's a miracle if we don't.

Got back in Kinrara just in time to watch the delayed live telecast of the match between Derby County and Liverpool. Sure enough we beat them 2 - nil. Michael Owen and Titi Camara scored the goals. If they keep up playing like this the title is a sure shot for us this season. You'll never walk alone man!

Hey did you know that I've got a baby step-sister named Meera Faza? Yeah I know, I'm surprised myself. She was from my Dad's second marriage. The thing is I didn't get a chance to meet her in person but I can tell she looked absolutely adorable from the pictures that Dad showed me. Already my sister Lina doesn't like her much but I do. Maybe she'll be my second favourite sister after Izni.

Later in the evening I returned home to Desa Serdang. Jai looked and acted cool like I never smashed and crashed his dear bike to pieces. Deep inside I'm sure he's longing to gently strangle me while I sleep ha ha!

18 March 2000

Still hurting from the wounds. It hurts so bad that I got all feverish at night. It also hurts whenever I shower or made contact with water. Certainly not the best days of my life right now.

Still in Penang today with Lina and Dad. About time too because it's been like 4 years since I last went there. The trip took about 4 and half hours plus 30 minutes toilet break. The bus driver was kind enough to drive very fast so that I wouldn't suffer so much. Fendi, a relative of mine took me to Bukit Jambul Shopping complex. It's like the in place right now in Penang. Then again I don't feel like walking around much at the mall because my body is aching like hell. Damn you Virago rider.

Now what's up with this Zara girl. She dumped my friend in class and left for some rich fat basterd. I wonder whatever happened to that lucky dude. I did got her number from Jimi. We changed a couple of text messages before I decided to call her cell. To my surprise she got along fine with all this. I guess her sugar daddy can't give her everything eh? Maybe she thought I was filthy rich as well. Well I'm sorry to say that this one is so broke he regularly asks for money from his Mom! Okay maybe I'm assuming too much. Maybe she's really into me (yeah right). I used to hate her for what he did to my friend Hafiz Marzuki. In fact the only reason I liked her is because she looked like H.

15 March 2000

I'm in a lot of pain right now. As I write every single letter here in this diary. my body is writhing in agony. I just had my first ever major road accident last night. As I was making my way to Sungai Buloh, suddenly a stupid motorcyclist came from behind brushed the side of my bike and sent me spinning helplessly on the road. The only thing I had on my mind was Jai's bike which I borrowed. Thankfully I didn't get any bones broken or any serious injuries. Just a few cut and wound here and there. Some on my left palm and a few more on the back of my right hand.

I can remember vividly the bad black Yamaha Virago bike rider who caused me all this misery riding away casually as a lay there on the road. I suppose it didn't occur to him to stop, look back and help me one way or another. I was real lucky there was no car or other vehicle there behind me or else I'd be history right now. So I stood up by myself, take a look at the bike and thought, man this is going to cost me a fortune.

A few moments later another motorcyclist which I incidentally overtook earlier stopped to check out if I'm okay. I said I am and then tried to restart the bike but failed. The nice fellow then offered to start the bike, which he did and I can't be grateful enough to him. After that I turned around to go back home and right there and then I started feeling the pain from the wounds, cuts and bruises from the accident. I got home safely and Azan offered to take me to the Health Centre. It's times like these that I'm thankful that I had friends.

Anyway, Mom sounded cool when I called her last night telling her about the accident. Grandma on the other hand almost cried after hearing that. Chill granny. It's not like I lost a tooth or broke a few bones or something.

Dad came by again this morning and took me to the Health Centre. After lunch we went to Lina's college in ITM Shah Alam and we waited for her for like an hour or so but she never showed up. That's really annoying of going AWOL like that one.

12 March 2000

I woke up very early yesterday morning looking for work around town. My first stop was The Mines Shopping Fair's McDonald's. Although they seemed really friendly and warm, I can sense that they don't really need any new crew right now. Call me back in a week they say. In the evening, I visited another McDonald's. This one is about 20 kilometers away from here. Same story. They'll call me if there's any vacancy. This may sound ridiculous but my heart is set on working at McDonald's only. Any one of the 25,000 McDonald's outlet around the world.

Dad finally paid me a visit today. We hang around and talked and then he made this joke of the century. "Son, I've got 500 ringgit here, how much do you want?". In the hand he just gave me one 50 ringgit note. Uh, I felt like giving a light nudge in the abdomen. Too bad he is my father. Maybe he is just as broke as I am. This made me feel even more determined to start working right away. Felt like I'm wasting all my time and energy everyday here doing nothing.

10 March 2000

Apai and I went to KLCC yesterday. It was scorching hot on the way there but fortunately it rained on the way back. We ran around KL trying to locate Kota Raya which we managed to find on the way back. This trip to KLCC is so worth it. I found out they were launching LycosAsia there yesterday which was incidentally the main reason we went there in the first place. There were some local artists performing but they didn't actually interest me much. What we're waiting for were the goodies and t-shirts that they were handing out. We waited like for hours for them and we finally got our hands on them in the end.

And just our luck, on the way out we stumbled into the Hitz Prado Cruiser guys. They gave us freebies such as caps, crackers, chocolate bars and this cool car sticker. I have never been this lucky in a single day!

9 March 2000

I had breakfast and lunch at McDonald's today. I would have had dinner too but then I only had a couple of ringgit left. I rode all around KL today looking for the Kota Raya building, meaning to have a McDonald's breakfast there but somehow I end up at Ampang Park instead. Don't know why I got lost a lot these days. I must admit I am becoming some kind of McDonald'sholic today. I've changed my mind. I don't want to open a restaurant or cafe. I'll just open a McDonald's franchise. Yeah maybe I'll need a couple of million for the capital but I think I'll find it somewhere in 20 years time.

By the way I have submitted my work application at a couple of McDonald's around the city. It's only a matter of time before I start working there although I don't know which one yet. It could be The Mines, Sri Petaling, Kajang or even Sunway Pyramid.

I bought myself a Red Hot Chili Pepper mp3 CD yesterday. It's amazing how they can fit their entire discography on one CD. What's more they are much cheaper than a single cassette and way cheaper than their compact-disc version. Funny I used to hate RHCP before. Now I like adore them. Weird.

A found like a zillion viruses in this laptop. It must have infected half the executable files in Windows or something. McAfee antivirus is totally useless. Remind me to use PC-Cillin instead.

I called Dad yesterday but he sounded reluctant to give me any money. Gosh I think I owed so many people right now, It'll probably take years for me to pay them all back. I must not let this happen again in the future.

Tomorrow is another paper but somehow I didn't have the slightest desire or motivation to study at the moment. I'm so gonna fail this semester.

The world I'm living in is filled with losers. They are everywhere. In fact I can name a few in this very household. Zaril is one good example. Such a loser. If you happen to read this Zaril, then it's too bad. Who ask you to poke your nose in people's diary in the first place? Fadzly is another one. He's a big loser and a pain in the ass to everybody too. He'd like borrowed a couple of thousand ringgit from everybody and there's no way he's going to pay them all back now since he'd gone MIA weeks ago. Let's not forget about Lan too. This dickhead loves to pee while standing and sprayed his shit all over the place. And who usually cleans the place up? That'll be me your facking moron! Losers.

6 March 2000

Yesterday was the start of the finals. Think I only spent 15 minutes answering all the questions or something. We can thank Yus for that who brought home the question papers. It's wrong of course but I didn't mind. I wanted to fast yesterday but somebody gave my some free cigarettes and I feel it would be a waste if I didn't take them so in the end I didn't fast.

Here I am watching Drive Me Crazy again for the 15th time or so. I always do this when I overeat. When will Miss Right will ever come to me. Maybe I'll just wait. The last time I went looking for someone, I didn't exactly work out. I don't know why but when some girl tries to hit on me, I don't exactly like them. Aida was a good example. So is Tini. Maybe they are just not my type. Maybe I'm just too picky. Whatever.

4 March 2000

The thing about not fasting is, I tend to eat way too much. Especially when I got some money in hand like right now. Yesterday I went to One Utama. THE One Utama. The place where all the rich kids hang out. People like her. I ate another Happy Meal yesterday. The 2nd one this week. From this moment on I'll only buy one Happy Meal meal in a week. Hope I could keep my promise this time.

The finals are near. In fact it starts tomorrow. I'll have to try my very best to rescue what's left of this semester. It was a complete disaster.

2:04 AM

I spent the last hour or so trying to sleep. Yesterday's visit to One Utama would have been so nice if only Isa hadn't be so mean to me. He totally went ballistic when I told him the reason why I went to One Utama in the first place. And then he also kept ranting about how silly I am for going to McDonald's all the time and how a poor boy like my shouldn't be wasting my money on such luxury. Well I got news for you mister, who cares what you think? You and your ancient dinosaur thoughts. No wonder your life is so dull and boring. It's those little things that I do that makes my life more interesting. There's a reason behind everything that I do no matter how silly they look and sound. Nobody knows me like I do. And you stay the hell out of my life.

Talking about McDonald's, I'm thinking of like working there this holiday. Yeah that would be interesting and fun. It doesn't matter if they pay me dirt cheap wages. It's the experience that counts. You know I'm planning of opening a diner or something like that when I retire. So what better place to learn all the ropes than at McDonald's right?

1 March 2000

I went out to watch a movie with Tini yesterday afternoon. To be honest, I'm feeling a little bit uneasy getting this close with her. I wish she could be somebody else. Yeah I know I'm a horrible person to say that, whatever. Anyway she's buying and I only had to bring my ass (and hers) to the cinema. We watched The Bone Collector, a so-so thriller.

Enough of that. Thanks to my buddies, I have now installed a brand new standard exhaust to my bike. So now, my bike doesn't sound as awful as it used to. I also bought a new plate number and a new pedal. All in all I spent over 90 bucks in the past 2 days. Extravagant as it sounds, I think they are all quite a necessity. Bike stuff plus food collection plus my debts. Then again, I think I did waste a few extra bucks on some really useless stuff. Felt like hitting myself on the head.

Wonder when I'm going to Uncle Dib's house. Got a basket load of laundry to do and I'm seriously running out of clothes to wear. I'll probably go this weekend. Haven't you heard? He is my personal laundrette!


Just a few minutes ago, I was tired, cold, hungry and lost on the north-south highway. I never knew the highway can be so cruel to you. Make one wrong turn and you could end up at the state border. I was planning to go to Sungai Buloh today but somehow I end up somewhere near Rawang which was like miles away.

29 February 2000

Yesterday evening was the end of our second tests but I'm not jumping with joy yet since I've got the Finals coming up around the corner. Finally, God has answered my prayers. My bank account is finally filled with some money yesterday. Words could not describe how I'm feeling inside right now. At least I'm not so poor as always. That said, I don't think that money will last for long because I've got tons of things to pay this month such as the food pool money and those people I owe.

I sat right beside her in the exam hall last evening. She didn't even threw a single glance at me. I guess she pretended I didn't exist right now. I thought she looked a little sad then. She probably missed her boyfriend or something. Anybody but me hor hor.

I think from now on I better stop lazing around and really concentrate on my studies (whoa!). It's a matter of time before I broke my not-buy-cigarette resolution. The temptation is simply too great to resist. Especially since I've got this little money lying around. Maybe I should start by smoking less. Yeah maybe I should do that.

I stayed up all night and morning today, working on my website v4.0. Although I've been working on that bit by bit for the last 2 months I think I'm only 35% finished with my website. It's not easy making a home page, a good one that is. It takes a lot of courage, determination, patience and hard work to make it happen. Of course, suffering from insomnia also helps.

26 February 2000

Last night I tried very hard to shed a tear. But even a drop won't come. All this sadness and sorrow got me thinking of quitting smoking. I know that it's almost impossible to kick this habit but you can always succeed if you try hard enough. Let's start by stopping to buy all those cigarette packs. That would ease the burden on my woeful financial situation. Plus Mom would be over the moon if she founds out about this. But then, let us not get to excited about this. There's still a high chance that I won't succeed in doing this okay? So curb your enthusiasm for now.

I took a math test today. I just sat there staring blankly at the paper for about an hour or so while everybody else is squeezing their brain trying to answer them questions. After the hour mark, I scribbled some nonsense on the paper so that I didn't look like such a loser. Then I went to the men's room to smoke and promptly send my papers to the invigilator after the break. I shudder to think what my lecturer would think of me once she looked at my paper. Shrugs.

25 February 2000

I sat for another test last night. Although there were only 3 questions, I only managed to answer like 1 and a half. Let us pray that I don't fail this paper. The weather was awesome today. It rained all day just the way I liked it. Yesterday I went to eat at McDonald's in Kajang. And later when I was about to leave, I took home a tray from there. Can you believe it? I took away a freaking tray from McDonald's. That's not all, I also plan to take home one of those beautiful tray from A&W! Too bad I didn't go there often because the price there is absolutely cutthroat, the same with KFC. Only McDonald's is within my budget. I wish they would serve breakfast at their outlet at the Mines Shopping Fair. I still got one free tea/coffee coupon to use for breakfast. I plan to take Tini there sometime next week. She treated me lunch and dinner for a couple a times already and I treated her for like, what, once only? And even that one time I only bought her a lousy bowl of ABC at the college food court. I felt rather guilty about this. Still, I'll have to wait for my salary to come in in the form of MDF (Mom and Dad Finance). I don't have much hope on Dad but at least Mom is a certainty.

Bad news. Uncle Din and family is moving to Sungai Petani soon. That's like 400KM away from here. There goes my laundry weekends not to mention my only source of satellite TV this part of the world. And there's nothing I can do about it.

23 February 2000

My Mom called very early this morning bearing some really good news. She and Grandma had generously donated 30 ringgit into my bank account. What would I do without them.

I felt so awfully bored this afternoon. It was one of those near-death boring experience. How I wished I had classes to go instead. Even if I don't understand a word what the lecturers are saying, at least I can take down notes on my notebooks so that they wouldn't look so empty by the end of the semester. This sheer boredom almost make me wanna go to Kajang or anywhere for that matter. Lucky for me I didn't because it would be a waste of money and fuel if I did. Hooray, my bike is finally out of it's probation period. Now I can ride it more than 80km/h.

I must be the poorest kid in college right now. I got like 90 cents in my pocket. It's not like I didn't try to withdraw the 30 bucks that my Mom gave me but somehow all the BSN ATMs in the vicinity seemed to run out of cash at the same time. Maybe those damn ATM machines is out to get me.

I am now officially a fat slob. I ate two roti canais in the morning, three eggs in the afternoon and a plate of vegetables for dinner. And I got no one but myself to blame. Must start fasting again tomorrow, although I usually do it on Monday, Thursday and Saturday. Serves me right for eating so much.

Later in the evening I woke up from a really horrible dream. I saw my dream girl hugging and kissing with some guy from class. Damn this is so sad.

21 February 2009

It seems there's a very good reason why I didn't bring myself to race last night. Maybe God didn't want me to get into trouble. Right after I got home yesterday, Fendi told me a few kids got arrested for racing on the very same highway. It could have been me. I could be spending a night at a lockup somewhere and my bike confiscated.

God my head felt so heavy and my threat felt really sore tonight. Maybe I just smoked too much. Didn't feel like watching the F.A Cup semifinals tonight. Feel like I'm about to pass out anytime soon. Aston Villa is leading anyway. What's the point watching really when Liverpool is not even playing.

Seeing those lovebirds and couples sitting together at the tables just made me plain jealous. But what can I do? I'm poor and ugly and my hair is a bit too long too my liking. It's time to get them shaved clean again. It's absolutely paramount that I cut my head bald before I even think about picking up any girls. I do look awful with hairs. People even looked differently at me when I do.

These are the times that I felt everything is wrong with the world. The weather is so hot, an ugly kid with a handset is sitting next to me, why can't those damn crickets be quite for a change?

Babe, just remember that it only takes a minute of your precious time to turn around, I'll be two steps behind...

Yeah-yeah whatever.

20 February 2000

Today my friends and I went to help out in a wedding ceremony somewhere in Bangi. FYI we do this sometimes. Go and help to clean the dishes and serve food and in return we get to eat for free. And if we're lucky, they'll give us a couple of boxes of cigarettes. But of course we didn't do it for the reward. Just to help out and lend a helping hand. Tired as we were, it's quite fun doing stuff together.

What happened tonight was most perplexing indeed. I almost got myself racing on the Besraya highway. Too bad Fendi didn't go along with my suggestion. Don't know why but whenever we go for a drink by the highway side and watch some kids go racing, I felt the urge to join them. Tonight the urge was so strong that I was like inches away from joining the fun. God knows what might happen if I did.

But the important thing is I didn't. So here I am sitting in my room like a scared little girl. Maybe I didn't have the balls to go racing. Maybe the whole idea of illegal racing is simply stupid. God help me.

8 February 2000

Tonight I related my tragic love story to my friend Tini. I think she should realise by now that we can't be no more than friends. I hope she understands. She's becoming a really good friend of mine.

To say I am broke right now would be an understatement. Even though my Dad lives not far away, I can't expect him to provide for me as much as he used to can I? He's got a family of his own now and asking so much from him wouldn't be right. Whatever it is, he's still my Dad and nothing can change that, no matter how bad it's been. I do hope he would learn from his mistakes. If only he can stick with a permanent job. I can't remember the last time he had a long term job. He'd be living a much better life right now if he did.

But don't worry Dad, one day when I make it big in life I won't forget you. I'll remember everything you've done for us since we were small. Perhaps I'll send you to perform the Haj with Mom or buy you a car or something.

But first I have to start studying, if I ever want to do something like that.

17 February 2000

For some reason or another, I felt so very sad last night. Got her on my mind again. I missed her. What can I do to get her back? I was so sad that I slept rather early last night. If only she knew.

It's pre-registration time again. I'm so useless. I didn't learn my lesson from last sem. Register early or you'll be in trouble like I am right now. I totally deserve this sheet.

Gawd I'm so hungry at the moment. I fasted during the day and I haven't had my dinner yet. If only I had something to drink or at least a cigarette to smoke. There's nothing edible here to eat in the kitchen and nobody gives a damn about me. But then again I can't blame them really. Nobody asked you to fast in the first place. Looks like I'll have to wait for a few hours more until the guys go out for dinner. Tough luck son.

16 February 2000

What's up people? Looks like the Hate Myself Days is over now. But it won't necessarily mean it won't happen again. I hope it doesn't. It's been a harrowing experience. Wonder when I'm ever going to finish website version 4.0. It's been ages since I started.

Ever since I lost a lot of weight and became skinny... well that's what they all said anyway, I started to enjoy the fruits of my labour. It's nice to see the surprise looks on people's faces. People that I haven't see for some time. It's good to fit into those M-sized t-shirts. I can now wear ready made jeans and pants and not cut one at the tailor's. Now I know why I don't fit into those dresses before. I was too FAT. So boys and girls, size DOES matters (apart from looks of course). Don't believe it when people say weight and size don't matter. They do. People who said that are probably fat themselves. Skinny is good for you, trust me I've been there and done that. Changing from fat to thin that is.

So how did I do it? Easy. Fast at least 2-3 times a week. Eat very-very-very-very little food especially rice. Don't sleep at night, or sleep really late. Avoid carbs. But the most important thing is to get your heart broken by someone you loved so much. Do all that (especially the last one) and you'll get a skeleton figure within 3 months or so. Okay, maybe 6 months.

Hmm, it's going to be a busy day today. Think I'll drop by the lab today to register for next sem and also find out which group I'll be in. Too bad babe, you'll be seeing a lot of me next semester whether you like it or not. That is if you don't go skipping classes again like what you did last sem. But I trust you won't do that. I believe you are better than that.

I've been a real jerk today. Think I brushed off quite a few people the wrong way today. My apologies. Don't take it to hear okay?

14 February 2000

Hey, it's my Mom's birthday today! I mean yesterday. I planned to call her tonight but she called me instead. Happy birthday Mom. I wish that you'll have a long and prosperous life. Well, you should have. For once, you don't smoke unlike me. Who knows she might even live longer than me.

These past few days I've been thinking about owning a house. A real house, all to myself. Not a rented house not a bachelor's pad that you share with a dozen others. I even got a long list of stuff that I'd like to fill my future house with. Furniture, lots of them. I probably have to save a ton of money before I can afford it. Maybe I need to skip lunch too. Hmm. Think I'll probably buy an apartment for around 30K or so. Mom built my home in Pasir Mas for only 25K. It must be around KL or in the Klang Valley at least. But first I must buy myself a brand new RXZ bike. Then I would start working on owning a house. Wouldn't it be great to actually own a house? Having all the rooms, windows and doors all to myself and I can do whatever I like with it?

But of course I need to start studying first and finish it. To buy a house you need to have loads of money which come from your salary which require you to have a job which can only happen after you got yourself a degree. Even if you're planning to apply for a home loan, you'll have to have a job first because they won't just hand out loans to everybody on the street right? What's more you'll probably want to get married and have kids therefore you'll need a house for your family to live in.

It's Valentine's Day today but I don't see what it has to do with me. Anyway we're not supposed to give a damn about it. It's not our culture. It might be different if I got myself a girlfriend at the moment which I don't. If only...

Just makes me sad thinking about her.

At least now I've got a house to keep me motivated for the time being.

12 February 2000

I woke up very early yesterday to pick up my new bike driving license. Kindly Uncle Din dropped me off at the post office. Found out I only have to pay RM5 to make my license. The driving school earlier asked me RM40 for the license. Bloodsuckers. How could they sleep at night? Now I'm a complete man. I have my Identity Card and both car and bike driving license. Just need to find a girlfriend next. I changed my sprocket for 25 bucks today.

Later I met up with Dad at Park View cafe right in the middle of UPM. Yeah he was indeed surprised to see the new me. I also found out first hand about my Mom and Dad love story. Turned out they did met here in UPM, while they were studying. But they didn't get to know each other only after they graduated. I mean after Dad graduated. My Mom dropped out of college somewhere in the middle. Did you know that they were the last batch of diploma students before degree programmes were introduced in Universiti Pertanian Malaysia. Dad even stayed at the 3rd college. But that was then. Now he's living with his new family somewhere in USJ. Dad was still his old big self although I can see he's getting older. I brought Dad to this rented house of ours and he gave me some money before he left.

Hey what do you know, tomorrow is Mom's birthday. Think I'm going to send her a card and even a phone call. I've never send her one before, a card. What's got into me?