28 December 2001

The weather was not on my side. As I was dreaming of being back by Linda's side, it rained so heavily that it flooded the rail tracks in Gua Musang. At last after over an hour of contemplating whether to reverse or to proceed, the train decided with the former. I was anguished. The up side of this disaster is that I don't have to sit next to the stinking guy from Tok Uban. Uncle Din picked me up later and I was back in Pasir Mas again waiting in despair. But that was it.It would take a very extreme situation to make me board another train again. The journey would have been very long and it'll be freezing cold in the morning.

Somehow I got the brainwave to change the bus ticket with Lina. She was supposed to leave the day after and instead I boarded her bus. Although worried that the road might still be blocked by the flood, I finally got here early in the evening. I must admit that I'm mighty glad to set foot here again and to join my eagerly waiting loved one. Then I was rather sad too thinking of what Grandma said to me last night. She spoke of how she was lonely of being all by herself. Deep inside I know she loved me like she loved the rest of my siblings. Like I said before, she just gets grumpy and resentful at times. Most of the time she's awfully nice. Who knows that could be our last goodbye (God forbid).

17 December 2001


It's Hari Raya again. Yesterday we went out together. Drove in the pouring rain all the way to Pantai Sri Tujuh where we enjoyed the scenery by the beach. Mom waited patiently for Dad yesterday. He finally arrives early in the morning. Turn out his car had broken down somewhere in Dungun. He had to come here with a friend.

We prayed at the mosque in town. Although the others decided to go to the nearer mosque, I still insist on going to the town's mosque. I've been going there for as long as I can remember and it would feel odd to go anywhere else. And for once in a long-long time I went to the mosque with Dad. One part of the mosque os flooded because of the continuous rain. It's been raining non-stop for 3 days now.

The bitch never stopped calling even during this joyous occasion. I've grown tiring of talking back. Wonder when will she quit. Perhaps she finds this fun and amusing. Sometimes I'm ashamed of my relatives. Let us pray that God will put some sense into her. Her daughter was so nice. She even wrote us a card wishing we could meet someday. If only her mother wasn't that crazy.

This Hari Raya I didn't go to a single tarawih prayers. I had a pretty decent puasa since Lina did cook dinner sometimes. We had 3 new addition to the photography session. Uncle Din's kid, Aunt Yatie's daughter and finally me own Dad. Faiz was forced to take over the satay cooking responsibilities from me. I received far less money than last year but I sure am a lot happier than last year thanks to one Sharifah Haslinda.

14 December 2001

So we're back in Pasir Mas. The ride home was another midsummer's night dream. Back home we received numerous calls from my Dad's other wife who has nothing but profanities to throw at us. We were really disturbed. Everytime the phone rings we would wonder restlessly whether that bitch who called. Funny she would be frightened to hear my voice. She would just swear our those dirty words and immediately put down the phone. She's probably afraid that I might call back. What a coward. She really need a good scolding from me. Alas she's one wicked cowardly bitch. I look forward to meeting her some day. Grandma and Mom was clearly exasperated about those calls. Dad did nothing much. If only he would take some action. I hate to admit that my Dad is nearly useless. You're a disappointment Dad. These entire incident is a disgrace to the family.

Apart from that, the family is almost reunited again. Poor Dad got her money stolen from his account. That bitch used his ATM card to take out some RM2,000 from his savings. That's where she got the money to buy the mobile phone to harass us. Again I must express my disappointment at Dad. If only she would show some backbone and fix this shit. Lina's fears is turning out to be right after all. I as the main backer of the reunion felt really terrible.

Somehow this Hari Raya doesn't seem to go along very well. I came home to find the water extra smelly. If Grandma didn't find the dead cat in our well much sooner, we would be eating and bathing from it's remains. What a horrid thought. It would take some time for me to regain my appetite.

21 December 2001

I can't wait to leave this house. Staying here much longer is just going to make me sad by the minute.

Went to pick up Dad's car in Dungun yesterday. I never thought that Dungun was so far away. Grandma insist of going along with me for some reason. I assume she's worried that I might not return back safely. Running out of bus, we took a taxi there. Met this guy who also got some business to do with his car. Coincidentally we were going to the same place. Grandma couldn't have thanked that guy enough. He lend me his hand phone to call the workshop, paid for our lunch and drove over than halfway home. The kindness of strangers. Back home, Grandma kept telling everybody how we would not survive the journey home had I driven all the way. She would rather sleep by the roadside than have me drive in the rain and all night. Thanks for the confidence Grandma. I'm kinda hurt with her statement. Yes I know you practically raised me but my Mom and Dad are still my parent no matter what. Your mean words about them are just too much to bear. I just couldn't listen to them anymore. Next year I would be coming home for Raya for 4 days max. Before that don't even expect me to come home, ever. Well, not except whenever Linda does return home. I'm tired of hearing all those. Lina and auntie Zura are not helping at all. In fact they've paired up to diss my parent some more. I just can't wait for tomorrow.

It's obvious now. Grandma. We got her respect if we got the money. Just look at her treatment towards Uncle Din's family. Compare it with mine. I'll prove it to you Grandma. I also can be as successful as them. Perhaps even better. Then you'll look differently to me. I'll do it all by myself. I wouldn't go begging for a job to Uncle Din. It's going to be on my own. Grandma is not that mean actually. It's just that sometimes she got carried away with her emotions. I think she should stop being scared of her own daughter. It's partly your fault that Mom is not so close to you.

11 December 2001

The loan money is finally in. I had to queue for hours to withdraw them. After that, I spent most of them paying my debts. Learnt my lessons well this time. Never again register for a phone line, don't get into accidents and most important of all, save some money for the future. My finance management is a real mess. Also my eating habit. Dad's other wife is really causing a nuisance at this moment. She caused enough trouble before and now she's really determined to get back at us for stealing her husband. I don't understand what she really wants. It's not like my Dad left her for my Mom. He is still married with her what. And after all that she did, my Dad has been more than patient to her. Mom still looked strong at least for now.

Once again I missed an examination. The paper was supposed to be at 2:00 PM and I woke up 24 minutes later. If only I didn't have this sleeping disorder. Of course I didn't have the guts to tell it to Linda or anyone else. It's really embarassing.