29 October 2001

So it's settled. I didn't sleep all night that morning so that I didn't miss the appointment. The boy at the car rental agency was so sleepy that he failed to find the keys to the appropriate car. In the end I got an old Kancil instead of the usual new one. The ride to Sungai Buloh was absolutely dreadful. I was so sleepy the car's transmission was crappy and it rained so fucking heavily. Harsh as it was I made it in one piece. After 2 hours of sleep we went downtown. Mom got something to settle at the ministry. On the way, I heard she was shouting at this man on the phone. I have no idea who he was but Mom was really upset and angry. Later we wet along with the plan and loaded all my belonging to our new home. The house was quite spacious with a lovely view of the playground upfront. I quickly grabbed the master bedroom which faced the road. The other room would probably leave me choked. Mom didn't see, to have any problem with that.

Dad came by later and we stopped for a brief dinner at Kampung Baru before we head home. The next day I slept most of the morning and my Mom and Dad only later in the evening as husband and wife again. That night we had a small dinner and invite over half a dozen close relatives and acquaintances. After that they were off to Penang. Linda in the mean time asked me to fetch some clothes in Tanah Merah for the McDonald's dinner. I did that and thank God I brought Grandma along. Her parent was so friendly to us. So friendly that I was quite speechless. That's where Grandma played her role nicely. What would I do without her. These past few days have been historical to me and my family and to some extent, Linda's. Although at first everybody else but me seemed to oppose the plan, it all happened very well in the end. At least for now. Grandma and Lina still are worried that Dad would someday change into his old ways. I don't want to fret much about it now. Just wait and see. One thing for sure despite all her disapproval, grandma was grinning from ear to ear when Mom gave her a wad of cash. It's crystal clear now. It's all about the money. I'm not saying that Grandma or Lina is greedy or anything. But things seems to be better when money is involved. I understand that very well. I mean children Grandma had been living in hardship all this time raising her children with barely enough money and support. It's time they pay back all her sacrifice and everything. It's about time she enjoy a little reward before it's too late. It's time for her to stop worrying. I do wish and pray that Dad's changed for the better. Let us pray.

25 October 2001

I failed spectacularly. That was what my last semester's result was. 2.1 CGPA, 1.5 CPA. Somehow I'd figure that. No one else knows that yet. She would be the one to know. Still, she better know now. Not before her results are out. Don't want to lower her morale too early. Let the disappointment be known afterwards. Plus she's worrying about her practical application. Several of her friends were rejected already. I do wish I could do something for her.

Yesterday, several of the crews including me was loaned out to work at Jalan Silang. I got the same offer last year but I chickened out at the last minute. This time it's different since I was not alone. The working environment was truly pleasant. The crew's room is spacious, the kitchen is huge and everything seemed to be larger here including the store. Sure I'd love to transfer there anytime. After Devi moved here office elsewhere of course. It rained most of the time and my heart almost broke thinking of WFC left alone in the rain. Hope she doesn't give me starting up problem anymore. Not during this penniless time.

I am a little bit tired of working. Everyone else in this house is doing pretty much nothing but sleep and eat while I was out there working my ass off, bringing them food once in a while. Now I just can't wait to get out of here. Here are some of the reasons:

1. The hygiene of this house is totally deplorable. If it wan't for me who constantly clean that toilet it would stink of shit. And the others just know how to use it and make a mess in there and never bothers to clean it up with the exception of Isa and Jai. Isa does clean it up like once or twice a month while Jai once in a semester. The others are just totally useless.

2. The same goes to our kitchen. No need to elaborate more.

3. I can write more bad things about my housemates and this place. Dirty as they are, they've also helped me a lot before. In my days of hardship. Even if I move out next month. I still be coming here a lot that's for sure. I've learnt much about life here. About standing on your own. About friendship and helping each other out.

And Lina thought my birthday was yesterday. Silly girl.

17 October 2001

Another day off from work. Now that they hired more crew, everybody at the store gets more day offs and leave requested are duly accepted. Whatever, it's fine with me. I'm broke again as usual. Wonder why I seemed to be broke so often. Looks like I can't spend anything more than cigarettes, drinks and stuff for the bike. Another 3 days before my darling returns here. Missed her so much it almost make me sick. In this hard times I need her more than ever.

My computer is down again. Something wrong with the mainboard I think. I must have screwed up the jumpers setting or something.

I can't wait to get married to Linda. Then we could do anything we like without feeling guilty. But first I got to have some money. Until then, let's have some fun shall we dear? Did I tell you I missed her so? So much that I kept playing her voice tag in my phone over and over again just to hear her voice. Not to mention smelling that lovely perfume that she gave me, Faraway from Avon. That little purse concentrate reminds me so much of her.

I'm sick. Sick of love.

13 October 2001

Woke up yesterday morning with a wet pants. Since I didn't really pee in my sleep, it must be the other type of liquid that came out of my dick. The thing is I don't remember dreaming about doing it with anybody. What a waste. I carried Mom's bag all the way to the bus station. It was very-very heavy. How would she manage without me. Felt rather sad when I left her. Well at least she almost got what she wanted. Chances are she and Dad will remarry in the near future. Lina, Mom and I would be living together in a rented terraced in Sri Serdang. She would be teaching at a primary school nearby. Dad would come over every other week. At least that's what we planned and hoped for. Mom is simply the best. How would we do without her.

Rose sent an email to me. She explained why she refused to see me before. Said something about how she hurt me so and wanted me to forget all about her. Although not easy, you'll get your wishes. I will forget you, I won't call, I won't write, I will do nothing that got to do with you. Should have done that a long time ago. Just don't have the heart to. But now that you asked for it. It would be better off for my relationship with Linda anyway. Talking about Linda, how I wish she would return here this very moment. I can't bear to be so far away from her anymore. Don't you ever leave me again Linda. Please don't put my heart on hold...

12 October 2001


I'm back baby! Once again I wanna thank God the Al-mighty for everything. I am writing on the first page of the second edition of my diary. The first edition is still in the good hands of my sweetheart, Linda back home in Kelantan. I missed her so badly. Just got back from my trip to Penang. Dad actually showed up that morning and he surprised is all by driving a Proton Perdana. I didn't have the heart to ask him who's car was it but I learnt later on it was his. That is impressive. Picked up Mom at Bukit Mertajam where she was organizing one of her courses. We're on a mission actually. A mission for Mom to see how fit Tok is to live with us. And she looked fine, or at least better than before to me. Perhaps thanks to that acupunture treatment she received some time ago. She was mighty glad to see us. Especially to see Mom and the news that she and Dad were getting together again.

Suddenly I started to think whether it would be a good idea to bring Tok to live with us. I mean she's quite old and her health is not exactly excellent. Besides, Aunt Ani her current caretaker said she's not going anywhere. Yes I know Mom's intention was sincere, to bring Tok closer to her grandchildren. But I do fear of the heavy responsibility that comes with it. Apart from that the ride was enjoyable. I slept much of the time throughout the journey in that fancy Perdana. I even get to learn how to drive an automatic car that day. It was a piece of cake.

Just now we drove around Taman Sri Serdang looking for rooms to rent. Looks like we'll be living in a flat on the top floor. But that's only temporary until my little sister Izni joins us next year. I don't mind as long as I got the master bedroom with windows. You know how I dislike confined spaces for long. I did mention my intention to upgrade my computer. Obviously this is not the time to be asking stuff like that. He spent a lot for already for the car and also the trip to Penang. Guess I had to put my dream PC on hold for a while longer. I'm more desperately looking for a sling bag and a cure for my illness. So here I am in Sungai Buloh. Mom is peacefully asleep over there. Probably too tired after the journey.

Dad all the way from Kota Tinggi to Serdang to Bukit Mertajam and Georgetown and back to Sungai Buloh. He's spending the night at his in law's place. I'm not that tired. I just miss Linda so much every minute. What's worse she's not coming back until later next week.

Man I do need a new bag. The exam results are probably out, all of them. Wonder how bad my results are. Seriously I need to see a doctor.

9 October 2001

Emm, ai sayang. Apa khabar? Rindu kat kita tak? Linda kat ruang tamu ni tepi beranda.. best angin kat sini kuat macam duk tepi sawah jer. Sambil-sambil tu Linda dengar lagu kuch kuch hota hei... tenang jer kat sini. Kalau awak ada kan best, betul tak? Kat rumah ni tinggal Linda ngan kakak jer. Dia dah tidur pun. Tadi Linda menari ngan dia. Linda ingat ke abah Linda dah gi kerja pas tu dia kuar dari bilik. Malu Linda. Abah Linda sengih jer. Emm merah muka ni. Tadi Linda bangun kul 7. Goreng bihun kat adik Linda, kemas rumah, basuh baju, baca diari dia. Pastu buat kerja sikit, baca diari lagi. Pastu masak nasi, abah Linda nak gi kerja. Hari ni Linda gi beli ikan kat bawah (motor), kutip kangking kat kebun Abah Linda, Linda goreng ikan, goreng kangkong, itu jer. Rumah Linda ni selalu tak de lauk.. kekadang goreng telur jer. Tapi Linda suka. Abah Linda ada bela ituk kat kebun dia kat Taman Bunga. Rumah Linda dulu, selalu makan telur itik, Linda paling suka telur masin. Lina suka telur kuning dia. Lagi satu Linda tak mandi lagi hari ni. Jangan marah ek. Linda nak gi mandi la ni. Babai.

Semekom. Linda baru balik dari kedai ni. Tadi Linda gi shopping barang dapur jap. Linda gi Pantai Timur (Tanah Merah la). Linda beli bawang, kobis, telur, garam dll. Linda beli diari tadi, ok tak? Nanti dah abis pages ni Linda leh sambung kat diari baru Linda ok tak? Nanti kalau dia nak baca ok la. Diari yang lepas Linda rasa Linda tak leh nak kasi bukannya apa, bukannya Linda nak berahsia dengan dia... Nanti Linda cerita satu-satu. Sebabnya orang tak paha Linda tulis dalam diari tu. Boleh ok. Nanti kalau dia nak baca diari Linda sambungan yang ni la tapi tunggu birthday Linda boleh tak? Orang rindu kat dia. Orang nak makan nasi lemak kat kampung baru. Orang nak makan kuey teow kerang kat Pantai Dalam. Orang ni gi jugak Hulu Langat. Linda terinign nak gi Tasik Jaya, Tasik Perdana, pas tu Linda nak gi tasik UPM lagi. Best tau, tenang jer.

8 October 2001

Aii cayang

Dok buat apa ek? Dah makan? Dah mandi? Emm... hari ni Linda bangun awa. Kucing ni kejut Linda bangun. Dia jilat kaki Linda. Ok gok. Pas tu Linda mandi, kemas rumah, basuh kain, sidai kain. Lastly Linda goreng nasi, adik Linda nak gi sekolah. Pas tu Linda tipon dia. Adik Linda suruh simpan yang nombor 3 + 4 (Happy Meal tu) kita orang nak letak dalam aquarium ok tak?

Emm, bila kita nak jumpa nie. Nanti kita gi taasik nak? Linda teringin nak gi sana. Tak kisah la tasik Jaya ker, Perdana ker, tak pun UPM ok gak. Orang rindu kat dia ni, cayang dia. Tanak datang sini ke? Linda kat rumah ni, tak gi mana-mana, dok rumah, kemas rumah, main ngan kakak. Dia sekarang pandai buat lawak bangang tapi best gak jadi cam budak-budak lak.

Awat kat sana jaga diri tau. Jangan bawak motor laju-laju. Orang risau tau. Makan tu jangan lupa lak. Jangan lupa doa untuk kita ek. Lagi satu ingat Linda sokmo ok.

Linda nak sambung baca diari ni, sekarang ni Linda sorang jer kat rumah. Abah Linda balik kul 5. Adik Linda semua gi sekolah. Ok lah Linda stop dulu ek. Mmuuuaah, sayang dia.

Orang jeles ni, kena berhenti dulu emmm.
Sabar jer la den..

Linda sedih ni... orang sedih ni. Sekarang ni Linda rasa macam Linda ni... tak elok Linda fikir cam ni tapi cam tu la yang Linda rasa. Apa-apa pun Linda mintak maaf. Linda rasa macam malas nak jumpa dia. Linda rasa macam malas nak baca dah. Orang sedih tau ikh ikh ikh.

Sekarang ni Radio Muzik ada lagu Permaisuri. Dulu lagu ni memang best, memang Linda kena dengar. Linda suka sangat lagu ni. Linda boleh menari-nari dengar lagu ni. Sekarang lagu ni lama dah Linda tak dengar. Tiba-tiba ada lak kat Radio Muzik. Linda rasa sedih sangat. Linda nangis.

7 October 2001


Emm... rindu la kat dier.. Buat apa ek skang? Malam tadi Linda tak leh nak tidur... ingat kat dia. Makin lama makin sayang makin rindu. Tak tau la leh tahan ker tak nie. Dia ingat kat kiter tak skang. Linda baru baca 16-1-2000. Jeles tue ada la gak tapi control jer la. Lagi pun tue citer lama kan. Linda nak tanya Aida ngan Tini tu saper.. Naper ngan Aida ek? Emm, lagi satu Linda suker ayat nie 'Sleep tight dear.. don't forget to brush your teeth and floss and wash your feet and say your prayers too.'

Tadi Linda sampai cni kul 4:15 am, pastu ayah Linda ambik, emm sembang-sembang jap pastu Linda tidur. Linda tertinggal subuh hari nie. Teruk kan? Linda bangun tengok Melodi pas tue kemas rumah + masak skit, abah nak gi kerja kul 3 pm. Emm.. skang Linda rasa rumah Linda makin lama cam makin best. Ma ngan abah, Linda rasa dah ok. Alhamdulillah. Linda nak solat jap pas tu nak sambung baca diari nie. Sronok, leh nak ubat rindu nie ... malam tadi Linda tengok gambar dia dalam album Linda tue .. ok la ... babai sayang... mmuaah.

5 October 2001

This is not right. I usually write whenever I feel like writing or when I'm feeling extra happy. Not to finish these pages quickly. I accidentally spelled out my intention of giving this diary to her. True enough she was extremely excited. Just seeing her in that state is enough to convince me. Well you should be prepared girl. I think when you've reached these page, you'd probably know me better than anyone else in the universe. Just hope your feelings won't change or hurt that's all.

Went to do my laundry in the afternoon at Jayut's place. Suddenly my friend Ipin invited me to have a splash at the Gabai waterfall, somewhere in Kuala Langat. I agreed instantly. I drove his car all the way there. It was one long and tiring drive. Especially under the burning sun. And when we finally arrive, Ipin and Mr Big managed to stop for some weed or something at the back of the car. I felt sorry for them. Lucky for me I didn't happen to live under the same roof with them or else I'd be another statistic.Who knows what I would do during my depressed days. Before we get to bath in the waterfall, first we had to climb some 300 something steps. That was really exhausting for me and Yap, even more so for those two junkies.

At last we finally got to the top of the waterfall. As soon as I get to dip in the icy cold water, all my tiredness seemed to flow away with the refreshing water. It was truly delightful. I simply must bring Linda or my family here some day. And the place was peacefully empty save for a few other visitors. Not like those waterfalls in Kelantan where I used to frequent which is usually crowded. Maybe because it's the middle of the week. On the way back we had a taste of the local delicacy. What's more I'm proud to report that I didn't miss the Zohor prayer.

Went to Mid Valley later with my future wife. She looked rather tired tonight. Perhaps after a day of fasting. Anyway, I'm counting the days to her departure. I'm going to miss her terribly. 3 weeks seems like forever. How I wish she doesn't have to go but that would be so selfish of me. Think of her mom and sisters. They'd probably miss her even more.

Received a reply from that school girl in Simpang Renggam. I was surprised that she took me rather seriously. As for me, I was silly enough not to jot down her address properly somewhere. Now I had to send an email for her postal address. Lucky for me she wrote down her email address. Of course I consider her no more than a friend/pen-pal. It's been ages since I last wrote letters to anybody.

Finally got to use the computer. I think it has something to do with the power management scheme. This is probably my final entry in this diary. I am to lend you away to my love tonight. I do wish she would lend me her diary in return. I do like to know her better. But if she doesn't want to, it's okay by me. Whatever makes her happy.

3 October 2001

A tiring day at work. I kept quiet most of the time. Partly because I don't want Nora to exact revenge on me. She wouldn't dare anyway lest she incur my wrath. We went shopping together before work. First she picked her new MyKad in Seri Serdang. The she treat me with lunch at Jalan Masjid India. It was pouring this afternoon. It rains a lot these days. She was looking for some fabric for Hari Raya. I was badly in need of a new sling bag. She found hers but I decided to forget about the bag and lent what little I have left for Linda instead. That's the least I could do. She'd been so kind to me all this while. I've never experienced so much kindness before from anybody else except from my family. Now it looks like she's ready to sacrifice anything for me. I'm so touched. So in return I would do the same for her. Sometimes she even talk about marriage. Sure I will marry her. After I graduate (inshallah) and find myself a decent job. Marriage is not that simple. Marriage is awesome but so is the responsibility. I would be taking care of somebody's daughter here. For the time being, we'll just have more fun together shall we?

It's quite cold here in this room. The fan is spinning top speed and it's drizzling outside. I do love being in the cold. The least I could do to satisfy my life-long dream of living in Europe. Linda would probably laugh when she reads this. My arm is getting better. Soon I'll be able to lift weights again. I'm planning to lend her this precious diary for her to read at home. Even if she doesn't give me hers. I loved her and she's no stranger to me anymore. First though I need to fill these pages quickly. Time is running out.

Isa is back. He boasted about being the 5th person to reach the mountain peak in the expedition. I on behalf of the 4B youth association is so damn proud of you. This song is lovely - memori berkasih by Spin and Siti Nordiana. Best 104 do play some very good songs this time of the day. I'm so eager to get a new diary. Think I'll stop writing now and give this to Linda and let her finish it instead. She'd be thrilled to hear that. The times she asked to give it to her. Zetty Nadia texted me yesterday. She was so nice to me and to Mom, not to mention Lina. If only she was a little fairer and prettier. I'd fallen for her long time ago. Nevertheless she looked quite happy now. Even got herself a boyfriend (finally). Anyway she's going back to JB tomorrow. I've always enjoyed talking to her every time, cracking jokes, teasing her.

I'm writing this using a Pilot Ecomate 0.7 ball pen. The nicest pen I used so far. Thank you.

P.S: Deja Moss is pathetic.

2 October 2010

I'm growing fatter everyday. Called Grandma from the store. I tried to find out how she felt about Mom moving over from Pasir Mas to here. She sounded so broken-hearted. Naturally I tried to comfort her with the reasons why Mom have to do so be she was so hurt that it doesn't matter what I said. Wish I could cheer her up you know, talk her into agreeing. But I can't do that through the phone. Later perhaps.

We have this ritual at the store where once in a while we would shower someone at the store. 4 crews became victims so far in the past 2 weeks. Usually whenever somebody resigns or took a long leave or get promoted they shall receive the special shower and thrown with eggs for good measure. Last week it was Ida, Sukree and Malina's turn. Last night it was Nora. She didn't have any plans to resign or anything but I did her the honor regardless because she was so cocky. She was quite furious of course and babbled something about revenge. Malina bought us dinner of nasi lemak at Kampung Baru. They say it's really good there. I must concur.

My computer is broken again. I have no idea what the hell is wrong with it. It could be the hard disk, motherboard or display adapter. My other option is to upgrade it to a better one which would cost somewhere between 400 and 500 ringgit. I couldn't ask from Mom or Dad at the moment. Mom had to renew her road tax and insurance soon while I doubt Dad could donate to me so much money again. We are going to proceed with our plan to visit Penang next week. Dad gave us the confirmation a few days ago. Even if he somehow couldn't make it, I will go along with Mom regardless.

Lina is having this thing against me and Mom. All our effort to appease and talk reason with her have failed so far. She would just go ballistic in the end. I wish somebody would knock some sense into her and make her realize how mean she's been to Mom. You better apologize soon sis or you know very well where you'll be going in the hereafter. And what's with this rumour that Mom is having a row with aunt Yati? This is not good. Poor Mom. She must be exasperated living another day there. It's almost certain that she would move here. It's a matter of time now. She even began to pack her things now I hear.

I can't wait to get a new diary. Which is only possible after I am finished writing in this one till the last page which also mean I have to write more. So here I am writing more. Went to the cinema for the second time with Sharifah Haslinda last weekend. We've been going to KLCC a lot these days. It's quite peaceful and calming there. I'll be calling her Linda from now on here. That's what her closest friends call her anyway. Actually she's got quite a few names. People used to call her Sherry and Sherai at school and Ifa at the store. At home, Kak Ngah since she's the middle sibling. She's going back home in 3 days time so that's why I must spend as much time with her so that I wouldn't be so miserable when she's gone. Man, I got 13 pages more of this diary to write. If I write 3 entries per day, this diary will finish in 4 days. Which is what I plan to do.

Abang Isa is currently climbing gunung Tahan with his buddies in Pahang. Hope he enjoys himself and come back safely. It's holiday again. Over half of this household had returned home. One third will be coming back earlier for their project. Several haven't gone back to their home town yet. I plan to spend my holidays working at the store of course. Earn some cash. Last Sunday I took Linda for a tour around UPM. She seemed to enjoy that pretty much. Actually my hand still hurts as I'm writing this. Fuck, this computer hangs again. I can't enjoy my huge collection of mp3s now. Screw you biatch. Wait till I get my hands on those lovely Asus motherboard and speedy 700 MHz Celeron processor!

Oh yeah it's the third page! Think I'm going to let Linda read this diary when I'm finished. She's so eager to do so. I'm tempted to give her this right away but it wouldn't be fair if she doesn't give me hers as well. She probably got her deepest darkest secret in there.

Called Rose from the store just now. As much as I missed her, I tried to get away from her life as much as possible. It's all over between us and I got myself someone much-much better. She told me how she rejected 5 guys who asked her hand in marriage. Either she's just bragging or it's the truth. Don't know, don't care. Now that she finished her studies, no wonder so many people are asking to marry her. Who knows Hafiman could be one of them (ha ha). Man I used to hate that guy very much. Now I just feel sorry for him. Good luck with you and Rose (you're gonna need it).

I got myself a brand new table lamp from Ikea. It was black and beautiful and I'm mighty proud of it. Got it for a bargain too. RM29.90 plus 1.50 for the bulb. It gives this classy yellow ambiance to my room. Everybody should know by now that the World Trade Centre in New York is blown to pieces. Several Arab guys hijacked a couple of airplanes and steer them straight into those buildings. It was supposed to be an act of revenge after what America did to much of the Muslim world. Less than 24 hours later, Mr Bush declared that Osama ben Laden is the most probable suspect. Why would I even bother telling you this. Read the papers yourself okay? My hand still hurts.

I seriously have to sleep now. We're planning to go shopping tomorrow.

It's raining man.

I love you Linda. Wait till I say it to your ears this coming birthday.