14 May 2012

So 14 May come and go. I am now officially unemployed. It's not something that I'm proud of obviously. A man must work to provide for his family. There's no two way about it.

A lot of people say I should hang on until I finish my studies or at least get another job first before I quit. It's the logical and responsible thing to do. The truth is I have come to the point where my mental sanity takes precedence over logic & responsibility. Everyday I go to work with a dark cloud hanging over my head. When will this MOF application ever get through? What did I do wrong? Are those government officers hell-bent on making my life miserable? Then I came to the realisation it was not me. It was them. They're doing it wrong. They're doing it half-heartedly. Those government officials are not stupid. They weren't born yesterday and they could smell this bullshit from miles away. And what my boss and company are doing are quite fishy.

If they want to do this, they should do it properly. Hire two Malay staff at least. If I am away from the office at least there's somebody to back me up. But no. They refuse to hire any other guy. So when the officers did come, for the second time mind you, I was not around. Again. So whose fault is this? Even if I was present back then I couldn't produce all the required documents they would want to see. I don't get to keep all those stuff. They have it all. So much for trust. Therefore for the second time we didn't get our application approved. One part of me was kind of delighted that we didn't. Serves them right for being so stingy. You spent thousands renovating this office and thousands more paying my salary and setting up the company but you won't hire another Malay staff. What's up with that?

Then there's the job. When I signed up for this, I didn't expect to actually do all this industrial automation shit. I was given the impression that I would follow my boss around looking for clients or apply for tenders at government ministries or GLCs. Little that I know I had to do real industrial engineering work at real factories and real power stations with my zero knowledge in the field. To be honest I don't really mind doing all those shit. At least I have something to do at work and not just warm the seat in my office. And I don't mind learning everything from scratch. The only thing is there's no one to teach me. Most of my colleagues are always busy doing there work and they have no time teaching this new guy everything that they learned for 3 years in college. Still my boss insisted that I learn somehow so many times, I had to pester them with questions and what not. In the end, I just stopped asking and learning altogether. I don't want to be a nuisance to my colleague. I tried to learn a few things myself online and from the thick manual that they gave me. But those just won't do. I need a real life guru. It's like all your life you studied and worked as a teacher but suddenly one day they asked you to work as a doctor. It's crazy.

Even with my minuscule knowledge in industrial automation, electrical wirings and PLC programming my boss still sends me out to client's place to do support stuff. It's like throwing me into a lion's cage and then throwing away the key. Still I managed to finish most of my task despite my lack of knowledge. I searched online and call my colleagues to guide me. Sometimes even my colleague desn't know how to solve certain problems so when that happens I was left to deal with a very unhappy client. Although they didn't actually hurl abuse at me, I got the feeling they're doing exactly that quietly inside. It was dreadful. That's when I started to really hate my job. No amount of salary is worth this.

So exactly one month ago to this day I tendered my resignation letter. We have no chance of getting that MOF certificate anyway. Not until they hire real staffs and do things properly. Plus I don't wish to become a liability to the company. Who knows someday a powerplant or factory might blow up due to my incompetence. There you have it. That's why I quit my well-paying job. Most people don't know what's really going on so they judge and told me to soldier on since it's the rational thing to do. They don't know me, they have no idea what I go through.

My boss and former employer, they're not all that bad. They treated me really well during the brief 9 months I spent there in Puchong. My boss even gave me a raise once and two ang pows one during Hari Raya and another during Chinese New Year. As you can see, they're quite generous with money and staff wellbeing. I just don't get it why they won't hire another Malay staff. My colleagues too are quite friendly and they tried to accomodate my beliefs and culture as much as possible. Although sometimes we did experience one or two awkward moments like when they decided to eat at a Chinese vegeterian restaurant once in Ipoh. Yeah I know it's pork free but I just don't do vegetarians. And also during my first company annual dinner where they offered me a glass of wine which I politely declined, those kinds of thing.

So for after 9 months working there I got myself a new car, another credit card, a whole lot more debts to pay, one MPSJ parking summons and I donated about a hundred bucks through parking income to MPSJ. I also gained like 10 kilos since my boss and company were so generous with free lunches and dinners and stuff. One thing for sure I don't have an ounce of regret quitting my job there. It's just something I had to do. At least I learned something after spending 9 months there. It's a good experience although not necesserily a positive one. It made me wiser and truly realize that money can't buy me happiness.

And once again for the second time in my life I am unemployed. Of course I tried all my best to look for jobs but so far I don't have any real luck with that. Perhaps I haven't tried hard enough. At 32 years old I'd like to do something I really love and hopefully that will be the last job I'll ever change. Like most people I prefer stability and certainty. I hope my good friend will get his project up and running soon. I'd love to work with my best buddies doing something I like and am good at. It would be a dream come true. That said, these things take time and time is not a luxury that I could afford. Sooner or later I'll have to do something, some work, somehow. Even if it's a dead end job with minimum wage. At least I can go to work content and not dread it. I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. 

Sometimes I blame my previous employer for causing me to jump ship to this company and getting me into this predicament. I loved my job there and if things were not so bad I would have spent the rest of my working career there. Rumors has it that previous company is not doing to good at the moment. It's like a sinking ship and all the crews are swimming to shore. Then again a wise man once said you be the master of your ship and captain of your own soul. At the end of the day, I made those decisions so I had to live with it.