23 April 2001

Sweet - sweet girl. Yesterday morning, the necklace Rose bought for me accidentally broke. Or was it not an accident but more of a sign? A sign perhaps I should just forget about her and go on with my life? I am tired of feeling sad and mad every morning now. If only it was not Nor Hafiman she's involved with. Then I wouldn't be so sad or angry. Furthermore, I just grow tired of waiting in vain and uncertainty. One thing for sure, I've made up my mind not to call her, well at least not everyday from the store like I used to. I love my job now and it's just not worth risking it for her. Don't destroy your life for a something called a women. She said so herself. Well, you asked for it. Lina just bought herself a brand new handphone. I'm happy for her. Hope her love life is better than mine. Look forward to her wedding day. It doesn't matter with whom she's going to marry. As long as she's happy that's good enough for me. And if anybody dares to treat her wrong, I'll beat up that guy for her.

Last night when I was about to take out the garbage, guess who offered to accompany me? That's right old chap. Sharifah Haslinda did. I even got her phone number afterwards. Strangely enough, I don't feel the slightest sense of guilt this time. She's young and carefree and there's not a slightest hint that she belongs to anyone. Perhaps she belongs to a small porion of those girls who haven't found their mate in college, even after the second year. Truth is I don't even know if she's seeing anyone. Nah it can't be. What the heck. I'll just ask her directly next time. Rose, you better do something quick cause I'm walking away now.

This loneliness is truly unbearable.

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