21 January 2001

Going to work make you realize how hard it is earning a living. Makes you more prudent in your spending. Even with your loan money because someday you'll have to work to repay it. Although in the future I might get a better job than this part time work, money is still an issue then.

Just called Rose yesterday at work. It's free because I called her from the store. Of course I got the kindly manager's consent first. Of course I can't do that all the time. It would be inappropriate. This is the only way I can talk to her without burning a hole in my pocket. I wonder if she ever appreciate this. All my hard work and effort. She probably would if she knew. Calling her every time costs a lot of money because of the distance. I think meeting her in person is far less expensive than those phone calls. But then she'll probably get bored of seeing me so much. Seeing how she still wore her ex's watch made me jealous alright. I should get her a new one. Don't want her to have anything to do with that guy again. Especially after what he did to her. She's kind like that. Didn't show the slightest hatred to the guy who broke her heart. I admire her for that. You're like the kindest girl I've ever known. Just add for another reason why I must marry her. She weighs only 47 kilos. I hope she'll keep that weight for the next 20 years or so. I hope she'll stay the same forever. I'll try my best not to be so fat. She's nothing like a super model and her face is far from spotless but you know what they say, it's the heart that counts. Talking like a real love-struck guy I am. How I long to see her. Not now though. It's Chinese New Year. A lot of people is going home. Plus I didn't make the necessary preparation. Tickets, accommodation and all.

Faiz is here, doing his assignment on my computer. He's still young. Still searching for an identity. Girls don't take him seriously. At least not yet. I totally understand. I was once in his shoes. I'm sure he'll make it alright. I have a paper to sit at 2:00 pm. Yet I'm almost completely lost. Don't expect me to do well this semester Rose. It's rather late to start. My bad completely. At least she's doing okay in her studies. Perhaps because it's just a diploma. That said, I'm sure she'll do just as well in her degrees. I like how her face looks squarish in those photos. Marriage. That word hasn't occurred to me before. Not until recently. How it's going to be. There seems to be an awful lot of things to do. But she can't wait. Age and time matters so much to her. Don't you worry. You have 6 brothers remember? And you have me. Where we shall live will depends.

This runny nose is a real nuisance. I tried to do without paracetamols but I took 6 already by now. Rose, she fell ill sometimes. She has this eating disorder. Even got her self admitted a few times. She's got it ever since she was little. Yes everybody loves to be slim but do take care of your health okay? Who's gonna take care of the kids if you're sick? Would they get my height or hers? Her family is kinda average from what I've seen so far. She must have taken that into consideration before picking me. Funny how she said she love me before and then started to have second thoughts about it. You don't do those kind of things. It's either you love me or not, that's it. I for certain don't easily mutter those special words. It has to be for real. Of not I won't say it at all.

I am a little accident prone. With the bike that is. I haven't had any accidents with cars though. At least not yet. I've never driven automatic cars before. She has. Her dad rent out taxi permits for a living. They have 2 houses. I don't know how well off they are nor do I care so much. She for once doesn't either. She's quite content with what she's got. Another quality. Man, Faiz when will you ever finish? I badly need to use the damn PC. Should I go to sleep? It's half past 3 already. Hmmm.

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